Most blogs I read give advice.
Mommy-blogs give parenting advice.
Food and health blogs share recipes and cooking advice.
Fitness blogs share exercising advice.
Lifestyle blogs give life advice?
I don't know.
For some reason I don't feel worthy to share advice.
I feel so young.
I feel like I am constantly learning...so I don't really feel it is my place to give advice.
I am young.
We are young.
We both had JUST turned 21 and 22 when we got married.
But looking back...that was 2 and a half years ago.
In the scheme of eternity 2 and a half years is a drop in the bucket.
But we have learned so much.
And our life has changed so much in these 2 and a half years.
A lot of our friends are just now getting married.
As I scroll through facebook I see pictures of weddings and honeymoons and people just starting their lives together.
It makes me so happy for them.
It is such a fun time.
Such a time to treasure and just enjoy each other and learning to live and love each other.
I'll be honest...I am a little bit jealous.
Life was so easy back then.
So simple.
We just lived on love and did whatever we wanted.
Our life is so different now.
In the past two and a half years:
we got married.
sold a house
bought a house
quit jobs, changed jobs, moved cities
did college, quit college, did more college
got pregnant
had a baby
Our "honeymoon" days are over.
Life is just completely different.
Not in a bad way.
We are so very happy.
It is just absolutely different.
If someone would have told me how much would change those first few years of marriage...how much having a baby would change your life I wouldn't have believed them.
Actually I am pretty sure people DID tell me...and I just didn't believe them.
So for all our friends that are beginning the wonderful journey...here are a few things I have learned.
Things that are so important (or at least I believe them to be) for this next part of your life.
Keep Christ at the center of your marriage.
yadayadayada.
Everyone says that.
But it is so true.
We have struggled getting involved in a church.
And it is so hard to make genuine friends and to stay involved without that commitment and interaction.
To keep Christ at the center of our marriage is even all more important without that accountability from friends and a church home.
When we don't do devotions together and pray with each other and for each our marriages suffers.
We learn so much more about each other and have a much deeper connection when our day to day life is solidified in Christ.
Learn each others love language and encourage each other in that way.
We are still working on this.
Matt is a much better encourager than I am.
But it so important to be each others best advocate.
Sometimes Matt just needs a hug...or I just need to shut out the world and talk to him. Just him. With no distractions.
Just little things like that are often the most healing times of our relationship.
And this kind of goes along with...
Communication.
So important.
As much as we do know each other.
It is hard to know what the other one is always thinking or feeling.
So talk talk talk it out.
Which also goes along with...
Apologize and forgive.
I'll be honest...
Matt is so much better at me than this.
He calls me a stubborn bullhead quite often.
And he's not wrong.
I think its the Dutch blood.
But simply saying I was wrong.
Forgive me.
That goes a long way.
It isn't a weakness to admit that you were wrong.
And it makes your marriage run SO.MUCH.SMOOTHER.
I remember right after we got married we decided how we wanted to "fight."
We never wanted to be one of those outspoken loud fighting couples.
We always said we would take it aside and work it out peacefully.
And that is what we always did.
After having Reagan...we rethought our fighting process.
We still don't want to fight in public, but we do want to fight in front of our children.
Not yelling angry fighting.
We don't fight like that anyway.
But to apologize and talk things out.
We want to show our children by example.
To let them know we are human and make mistakes.
And show them how to humble ourselves and work it out.
Which also goes along with...
Apologize and forgive.
I'll be honest...
Matt is so much better at me than this.
He calls me a stubborn bullhead quite often.
And he's not wrong.
I think its the Dutch blood.
But simply saying I was wrong.
Forgive me.
That goes a long way.
It isn't a weakness to admit that you were wrong.
And it makes your marriage run SO.MUCH.SMOOTHER.
I remember right after we got married we decided how we wanted to "fight."
We never wanted to be one of those outspoken loud fighting couples.
We always said we would take it aside and work it out peacefully.
And that is what we always did.
After having Reagan...we rethought our fighting process.
We still don't want to fight in public, but we do want to fight in front of our children.
Not yelling angry fighting.
We don't fight like that anyway.
But to apologize and talk things out.
We want to show our children by example.
To let them know we are human and make mistakes.
And show them how to humble ourselves and work it out.
Make time for each other.
I can't emphasize how different this is now that we have a child.
We took for granted the time we used to spend together.
We would be watching TV or doing separate things.
Now when we get time alone we really want to focus on each.
Connect.
Because that time is precious and rare.
And as more kids come...it will be even more difficult...so we are trying to instill good habits now.
Don't complain or put down the other ones family.
A few weeks before we got married my dad sat down with me and told me this.
And it has stuck.
I know Matt would agree that almost all of our big fights or arguments in our marriage have resulted from disagreements about family.
And we get along with each others families really well.
I can't imagine the difficulty if that wasn't the case.
Trying to decide which family to visit or when to go where has always caused the most tension. And the moment that one of us mentions something negative about the others family...we both tense up and get defensive.
This is something we are continually working on.
I have heard a few of our friends talking while we are hanging out and they complain or make remarks about the other family...and it just leaves a bitter taste. Nobody likes to hear that...especially the person who's family it is about.
Get financially secure.
It is so easy today to get approved for credit cards and loans and spend spend spend.
One of the best wedding gifts we received was Dave Ramseys Financial Peace.
Someone told me once that we had it easy because Matt made a lot of money.
While it may be true that we aren't struggling financially.
We still have debt.
Mainly just student loans...we have paid off everything else.
Mainly just student loans...we have paid off everything else.
And we are VERY frugal to pay off that debt ASAP.
We coupon, and budget, and I thrift shop like crazy!
It is hard not to want. That is human nature.
While we might be able to go out and buy my Matt Pat a brand new F150...it is not a wise choice right now.
I think this is one of the most difficult things as young people.
Jealousy and comparison.
Houses and cars and clothes and so on.
You just have to learn to be content where you are and not compare your life with someone elses.
Their story is completely different than yours.
And I know for us it is much more reassuring to not have to live paycheck to paycheck.
To know we have a very nice emergency fund to fall back on than to have a brand new vehicle or name brand clothes.
I could go on and on...as I've been typing so many things come to mind.
To know we have a very nice emergency fund to fall back on than to have a brand new vehicle or name brand clothes.
I could go on and on...as I've been typing so many things come to mind.
Things I have learned.
Area's I have failed and had to learn the hard way.
I remember numerous people telling me that marriage is hard.
That you have to work at it constantly to make it work.
You have to sacrifice daily.
And I honestly did not believe that.
Until we had a baby.
Maybe it is the sleep deprivation.
Maybe it is the nonstop going and giving all day (and oftentimes night) long.
Maybe it is the lack of time to connect.
But it is hard.
It does take work.
You have to make the choice to sit down and talk when you would rather sleep.
Or go on a date when your heart says you should be home with the baby.
Because your marriage is important.
I don't claim to know a lot.
I am still learning so much daily.
But in these past 2 and a half years...my life has changed drastically.
And these are a few of the things that keep recurring.
Things that we keep having to come back to and learn from.
So I urge you to instill those good values now.
Early in your marriage.
Because your marriage is important.
I don't claim to know a lot.
I am still learning so much daily.
But in these past 2 and a half years...my life has changed drastically.
And these are a few of the things that keep recurring.
Things that we keep having to come back to and learn from.
So I urge you to instill those good values now.
Early in your marriage.
Even though it is hard.
And we are so tired so much lately.
I can without a doubt say I love Matt a lot more now than when we got married.
I know him so much better.
I have a deeper appreciation and respect for him.
And I look forward to the coming years and learning and growing more with him.
So for all our friends that are just getting married and beginning this step in your life.
Have fun!
Take the time and enjoy it.
Enjoy learning and growing with each other.
