Dear Reagan - 8 months old!

This last month has just seemed to drag by.

I don't know if it is because the days without Matt were long...and the nights with you up screaming were even longer or what. But it seems like this past month took forever to get through!

But the time has come for another montly update.

My sweet Reagan man, you are 8 months old!

You have grown up SO MUCH this past month.

You have hit so many milestones...and I just don't feel like you are my little baby anymore.

You are mainly in 9 month clothes.

Some 6 and some 12, but mostly smack dab in the middle.

You have stayed about the same size for awhile now.

 

I think we can officially say you are crawling!

You started getting up on your hands and knees a month or so ago...and gradually within the last week you have been choosing to crawl places.

 You still much prefer your little scoot manuever though.

And this is your new pose lately.

You get up on your hands and toes and stick your butt WAY up in the air.

It's hard to get a picture of it though because every time I bring the camera out...you come running toward me and smiling :)

But it looks a lot like the downward facing dog yoga pose.

I think we nailed down why you were up screaming so much for the past two months.

Teeth.

Your two bottom teeth never really caused you issues, so I didn't know what to expect.

And because I didn't see any inclination of teeth...I didn't think that was the problem.

About a month into your "screaming in the middle of the night issues" your cheeks started getting red and that is when I thought it might be teeth. 

And then I noticed a white bump on your top gumline.

Within a week your 3rd tooth popped through, and we got 3 fabulous nights of sleep.

And then I spotted the next white bump.

 I am sure by tonight your 4th tooth will be through!

The closer they get to popping through the more sleep we are getting.

For some reason they must cause you more pain when they are still deep in your gums, before we even know you are teething.

You are interested in everything.

We can't get away with fooling you with much anymore.

And if we have food...you are VERY interested.

So far all we've really given you is puffs and cherrios though.

I think we are going to start giving you soft finger foods and see what you do, because you seem really interested. 

I know I already expressed this before...but you LOVE your daddy!

You are like a little puppy dog following him around :)

 

You are getting more hair!

You aren't going to look like a little old bald man forever!

You have started pulling yourself up completely.

It went from pulling yourself up to your knees one day...to pulling yourself up to a completele standing position the next.

Slow it down.

You LOVE having us hold onto your hands so that you can "walk" all around the house.

You still have a fascination with cords and tags.

You are dangerous to walk through goodwill with..because you literally just sit there and pull tags off clothes as I am looking.

Despite the screaming, you have been so much fun this past month.
I love watching you grow and learn so many new things.

I very much look forward to all that this next month has in store!

He was made to be a dad.

Let me preface this by saying I don't fit into the typical mold of a "blogger"

I wouldn't call myself a writer.

I rarely give out my opinions or advice on stuff.

I typically just write about my life and what comes to mind.

I get way too emotionally involved in my posts and probably take too many pictures.

I am far too wordy.

But that's ok.

It is what makes this little space unique.

I know mostly just family reads this.

Although I have gone from about 30 views per post when I first started to around 100 now on every post...so I am totally feeling popular!

And when I was writing the posts about my siblings I was getting THOUSANDS of views per post!

But anyway...back to what this post is about:

My hubby.

There isn't much that he is "bad" at. 

He is one of those people who puts his mind to something and studies and figures it out and excels at it. Always.

It's actually kind of annoying sometimes.

When we found out we were expecting, he was so excited.

He was totally enthralled by the ultrasounds.

And when he found out we were having a boy...he was ecstatic 

(although I am pretty sure he would have loved a little girl just as much)

 When Reagan first popped out I think he was a little caught off guard though.

His response was "his head looks like a hacky sack" 

umm :/
I didn't know how he would take to parenting or if he would love children that much. Growing up with so much distance between him and his siblings, he didn't really have much experience with babies.

But he took to parenting like a pro.

Everyone always says that "so and so" was MEANT to be a mother.

And I do know a lot of women who fit that motherhood role perfectly.

But my husband. 

He was meant to be a dad.

He changes diapers.

I never changed a diaper until we got home from the hospital...Matt did it all while we were there.

And dresses him.

And bathes him.

He spends genuine time with him.

He is patient and kind and just such a good daddy.

There are some days many days where I question my sanity and think Matt was much more cut out for this parenting gig than I am.
But I am shown a little bit of grace and a reminder that we are in this together.

Being parents completely changes the dynamic of marriage.

If someone would have told me that two years ago

1. I wouldn't have believed them.

2. I would have got angry.

But it is true.

You see each other in a completely different light.

You see those sweet moments where you feel like you can't love someone anymore than at that time.

And you see the awful, hard, trying times.

When you go nights and days without sleep or showers or proper meals.

Seriously, college has nothing on new parents.
I have never in my life felt so tired.

Your patience is tested to the core.

And somehow through all of that, despite Matt working full-time at a very demanding job, and going to college full-time to finish his degree...he excels at his family life at home.

He comes home with a smile and picks up his role of husband and father.

There are many times, MANY, where I complain.

How his work asks too much of him.

How his college is taking too long...and is too hard.

How he has WAY too much homework.

Umm hello? I am not even taking the classes...

But I have never heard him complain.

Never.

There are times when he comes home and is tired.

There are many times we have missed out, because his work or school got in the way.

But he doesn't complain.

I mean...the man walks two miles to and from work...even the in the dead of winter.

If that doesn't give justification for complaining I don't know what does.

He has been #1 on the parking lot list for what seems like FOREVER.

Is it too selfish to ask that someone leave so my husband can just have a dang parking spot?

Okay...I've completely went off a tangent.

I can just picture actual bloggers and writers cringing.

Back to my husband being a good dad.

He has every excuse to slack on his roles at home.

When he puts in 15 and 16 hour days every week.

He has the right to say he's tired.

That he doesn't have time.

But that is not my husband.

My husband knows his true calling.

He may have a great job.

And may even have a greater career once he graduates, but he knows that is all trivial.

"It's just a job" he says.

If given the chance I know he would be spending his days home with us.

Spending time and making memories with his family.

Working on our marriage. So that it exemplifies Christs love.

Helping mold our children into the likeness of Christ, and help them grow be exactly who God has called them to be.
This is where he was meant to be.
And this is where I love seeing him the most.

When we were dating Matt used to say he wanted 3 kids.
And then it gradually turned to 4 or 5.
People said that after we had kids...that it would change.
Now that we have Reagan...it has changed.
Now he wants 6 or 7 or 8.
We'll have a whole herd of little Engels!
And yes, that will be hard.
Just as this current season of our life is hard.
But God gives us grace to get through.
And if we are meant to be the parents to a lot of kiddos...I would be honored to go through that journey with Matt.

I couldn't have asked for a better husband.
Or a better daddy for our kids.
And I can't imagine my life without my Matt Pat.

"Lo, children are a heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is his reward. As arrows are in the hand of the mighty man; so are children of the youth. Happy is the man who hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate." - Psalm 127: 3-5

Time well spent

Sometimes I have a hard time relaxing.

I don't know how many times Matt has told me to stop folding the laundry and just talk with him or play with Reagan. 

To just relax.

Is it just me or did adding a tiny little baby triple the amount of laundry we have?!

I get caught up with life way too often.

I always want my house to be clean.

To have dishes and laundry done.

To have meals prepared.

For Reagan to hit his milestones.

And I often am so stressed about those trivial things that I don't take the time to just relax and enjoy life.

Matt often tells me that I set the mode for our house.

Whether I am angry, stressed, sad, or happy and content...it affects him and Reagan.

On Matt's long days; days that Reagan doesn't even see him...and sometimes I don't either, I am often in the angry/sad/stressed mood.

Last week was no exception.

I was frustrated and Reagan was grouchy.

(He is almost always fussy on those days...probably partly because I am not my happy self, but I also thinks he knows it is getting close to bedtime...and his dad isn't home yet. And I think it just throws his schedule off)

My house was A MESS.

I didn't make dinner.

I instead made a quick trip into Cedar to get some TK hoping Reagan would fall asleep.

...and since no one who reads this blog knows what TK is other than maybe my sisters, I better clarify by saying Taco Bell.

Well...

1. He didn't fall asleep.

2. I then still just had a fussy baby...and then I also felt guilty about eating some delicious TK too...

I was finally over it and decided to take Reagan to a park nearby that we had drove by earlier.

I just left everything like it was.

We got there and ALL the baby swings were taken.

Of course.

What am I supposed to with a baby at a park?

He can't crawl...he can't really play with anything.

My sole purpose in going was for the swings...which were currently being used by children far too big for them.

I was totally annoyed.

So...I got his stroller out. And we walked around and around and around the park. Probably 3 or 4 times.

And everyone stared at us.

For those of you that don't know Reagan...the kid is loud.

He LOVES to be outside, so he was talking away and giggling...and everyone kept looking at us in search of the loud baby.

And...after numerous laps...

The kids were still in the swings.

So I took him out of the stroller and plopped him under some trees to just sit and play.

He loved it.

He had never seen pine needles before, and they totally fascinated him.

He may or may not have eaten a handful of them.

He probably played there for a half hour.

I took a lot of pictures.

I listened to a couple of kids that looked about 13 break-up...and then about 15 minutes later they made up.

I read part of a book.

It was relaxing. 

The kids finally left...and we took over the baby swing area.

He loved it.

Of course.

So we swung for awhile.

And then we went over to play in the leaves.

And he loved that too.

And again with the eating them.

Always.

 I need to remember to take the time and slow down and enjoy each day.

Reagan could care less what the house looks like.

I know he prefers spending time like this with us.

The only thing that would have made it better in his eyes is if Matt was there.

We watched the sunset...and then headed home.

My house was still a mess when we got home.

And then I had to postpone cleaning even more because I had to give Reagan a bath when we got back because he was a sneezy itchy mess...but it was worth it.

And when Matt got home that night he said..."I'm glad you aren't grouchy tonight, that makes my day so much better"

I'm ashamed to admit that I typically don't greet him with a smile and a kiss on those days.

And by typically...I mean hardly ever.

It's like I don't realize that he has had just as long a day as I have...going straight from work to class.

I need to remind myself to slow down and enjoy life...and not worry about how my house looks, or that I make gourmet meals everynight.

I need to remember to focus on my family.

And spend genuine time with them...and just relax and have some fun.

...and to try and not be grouchy and Wednesdays and Thursdays, because my hubby who works so hard for us and my sweet baby who is so innocent and sweet can totally tell when my attitude is bad.

My first time away

I have started about 5 posts lately...and haven't continued on with any. I have so many thoughts running around in my head and I don't know where to begin with writing them. So I decided to just go with it and start with a post about our upcoming trip.

 

I have been having anxiety lately about leaving Reagan.

A few weeks ago I mentioned Matt surprised me with tickets to a Marriage Retreat.

And I am SO excited!

But as the day is drawing nearer I am stressing about it more and more.

I had written out this LOOOONG post pouring out my feelings and heart towards leaving him. 

But I ended up deleting it all and starting over...

It comes down to this:

I am nervous about his breathing.

I am nervous about him choking.

I am nervous about him falling down stairs or off something.

About him being sad and inconsolable.

I am nervous about him feeling abandoned.

I am nervous about his sleeping.

I am nervous about him getting hurt.

I am nervous about him feeling neglected for not getting to nurse.

I am nervous about him missing us...

When it all comes down to it...he is the Lord's child and in HIS hands.

This is one of many firsts where I need to relinquish control in parenthood.

As his mother I can only protect him from so much.

I can't shield him from everything...and I can't hover over him.

A friend once said that she didn't think mother's should want or need time away from their children.

And I completely disagree.

As much as my heart is completely torn...I know this is important for Matt and I.

To focus on our marriage. And each other.

To learn new good habits for our marriage, and to come back from this rejuvenated. 

My prayer these next few weeks is that I am able to calm my heart so that I don't spend our whole trip worrying and curled up crying about what he is doing...or if he is okay.

That I will be able to relax and enjoy my time away with my husband.