The mom I am not.

I am a big fan of blogs.

I follow a lot of them and am encouraged by what other mamas have to write.

Their trials and triumphs.

Their stories.

I feel like I can relate to so many of them.

Knowing there are so many others in the EXACT same place as me.

Young and married with babies.

But one thing I am NOT is a morning person.

Another thing I am not is a coffee drinker.

I hate it.

I hate anything that has a hint of the flavor.

I see so many almost all mom's writing about waking up before their babies. 

Enjoying a coffee and some quiet time in the Word.

Part of me longs for that...that quiet time.

That peace and rejuvenation each day.

But then the part of me that says "my bed is so comfy" ALWAYS takes over.

I thought maybe it was just those newborn days and the phase would be short-lived, but here we are at almost a year and every single morning I drag myself out of bed when I hear Reagan in the moniter.

And even then I feel like I could sleep several more hours.

I am not the mom that wakes up at 6:00 and has the house organized and devotions done and breakfast cooked before the rest of the family wakes.

I am not that mom.

I am always tired.

I don't know why.

I still think it has to do with my hormone issues.

And no mama, it is NOT my iron levels! :)

If I could sleep 11 hours a night...I would!

EVERY.SINGLE.NIGHT.

I still long for that time though...that time without kids that I can relax and rejuvenate and spend time in the Word.

So what works for you?

Is this just a phase...and someday I will become THAT mom?

Or if you despise mornings too...what routine have you found?

Can we just pause for a moment?

Can we just pause time right here for a moment?

I have never felt like Reagan was growing up too fast.

I looked forward to all the milestones: smiling, crawling, talking, eating finger foods...walking.

And now that he has conquered them all I just want it all to stop.

Or at least slow down a little bit.

 

Just this morning he walked all the way from the kitchen to our couch. 

That is all the way across the house!

Up until last night all he had done was walk short distances, but now he is REALLY walking.

Like he owns the place.

I just want to pause and remember this "toddling" phase. 

How he will take a few steps, and then pause and squat to catch his balance and then continue on.

How he says "uh-oh" EVERY.SINGLE.TIME that he or I drop something.

Which tends to be about 450 times a day.

How he reaches out for us when he is tired or scared or on the rare occasion that he wants to just snuggle.

How he gets SO EXCITED when I bring out a food that he loves...

...and throws a fit when it is something that he doesn't quite love so much.

The other day I made him up a whole plate of his own finger foods, on his own little baby plate, so that he could eat for real like Matt and I.

I had cheese in a section and bread in a section and some fruit in a section.

He was ecstatic! He kept looking down at his little bumblebee plate and then looking at us and smiling.

It is so funny how he understands stuff now. 

Like crazy understands.

What we say, how stuff works, his toys...he understands a lot more than we give him credit for.

 

And how it frustrates him when he can't get it right.

He LOVES those little baby squeezee packets, and he loves to play with the top of them.

He will take it off and put it back on for an hour.

He can get it placed perfectly back on the packet, but can't quite figure out how to twist to make it lock back in place and it makes him so mad!

His dancing!

Every time music comes on and he will start bouncing and shaking his hands up and down.

 

How he talks!

I swear he does.

I mean other than his typical "mama, dada, oh, uh-oh, yeah..."

He will repeat what we say all the time and it sounds exactly like what we had just said.

On more than one occasion while we are out and about he will be talking away...and someone will come up and ask how old he is and make some small talk...and 3 or 4 times in the last few weeks they will say "wow...it seems like he is really talking!"

 

Peek-a-boo ALL.DAY.LONG!

I love how he thinks he is hidden behind something and then will pop out waiting for us to notice.

And how he darts back and forth so quickly that we don't even have time to say peek-a-boo.

I honestly feel like I blinked and he is almost a year old.

I look forward to watching him grow and learn even more, but I LOVE this stage right now and I already feel like it is slipping away...

Dear Reagan - 11 months

What a month!

I actually had to go back and read your 10 month update and old facebook statuses to remember everything you learned this past month.

You definitely crammed a lot into a few short weeks.

At the very beginning of the month you started saying "mama" 

You have always been very vocal, and your list of understandable words is getting longer by the day.

One of the newest words is "uh-oh"

You have also learned how to control making different sounds.

growling, clucking with your tongue, making cars go "vroom"

You are definitely all boy and LOVE to make noise!

You started giving kisses!

They are big open mouth slobbery ones!

You will only do it on your time though, whenever we ask for one or try to get it out of you it never happens.

You learned how to play catch and to throw the ball.

I will just add into this category how much you are starting to enjoy and figure out toys.

You will push your cars and trucks now and make car noises.

You have a few toys that you have to match pieces together or fit one piece inside of another and you are starting to figure it out!

You also started stacking blocks and other toys...and then of course knocking the stack down!

I love watching you learn all these new things! 

You might be a little obsessed with your daddy. 

You love everything he does!

When he snow blows you stand at the window and point and say "oh" about every 30 seconds.

 You are sleeping amazingly!

Typically 9-10pm until 8am!

You wear almost all 12m clothes. 

Your skinny little body can fit into 9m stuff, but some stuff you need 18m for the height!

You started to wean yourself.

You typically nurse 3 times a day now.

Your favorite foods tend to be yogurt and cheese and grapes!

You play peek-a-boo all the time!

You are working on tooth number 8!

 

The biggest thing this past month is that you started WALKING!

You started getting more confident taking a few steps a few weeks ago.

Your confidence progressed quickly and you are walking all over now!

You still prefer to crawl, and you won't walk upstairs...I think you must think the wood floors are too slippery or that they hurt when you fall or something, but while we are downstairs you are a walking machine!

It is so cute. And you are so proud of yourself!

We love you Reagan-man and we are so looking forward to everything in store these next few weeks.

Welcome to 11 months!

A parking spot.

Sometimes its the little things that make a HUGE difference.

Matt finally got approved for a parking spot at Kendall!

Can I just tell you how excited I am?

That will save us almost 40 minutes a day.

15-20 extra minutes together in the morning and 15-20 extra minutes together in the evening.

Which doesn't sound like much, but it adds up to over 3 hours a week.

12 hours a month.

And over 140 hours a year!

What is that? Like...almost 6 days?

To say we are excited is an understatement...hence it deserves a blog post.

Not only am I excited about spending more time with Matt, but I am happy for him. 

This will save him on walking almost two miles a day.

Yes, he really did walk a mile to work and a mile from work...

That exercise would have been good for him if his job didn't require much exercise.

Surprisingly though with his job he gets a heck of a lot of miles in. 

We tracked it one time and figured out he typically walks 5-6 miles a day at work.

So anyway...not much new in my blogging world.

I am just looking forward to hugging my husband before 6pm tonight!

Of course...I need to add a few pics of our sweet man to finish off the post. 

I don't know if you have noticed lately...but I haven't been getting any "good" pictures of Reagan lately...they have all been on my phone.

He doesn't sit and pose quite like he used to. He is way too quick...and way too mobile.

I snapped these this morning.

And this...

He is OBSESSED with this box.

Out of all his toys, he chooses this and plays in it all day long.

I can't believe he is going to be 11 months old next week. 

There is going to be SO MUCH to pack into his monthly update. He has hit so many milestones and changed drastically over the past month!

I can't wait to fill you all in!

He is weaning himself.

Let me start by rewinding all the way back to when Reagan was born and kind of do a synopsis of my breastfeeding journey.

We were blessed to not have any issues.
Reagan latched from the get-go and I had NO pain. At all. Ever.

Fast forward to 4 months.
My milk supply dipped to next to nothing and I thought for sure we were done.
I supplemented off and on for about a week with formula and then my supply went back to normal and had no more issues.

As of a month ago I was still nursing 5-6 times a day.
And if he would wake in the middle of the night, I would nurse him.
Right before Chrismas I decided I was done nursing him at night, but the amount during the day stayed about the same.

About a month ago I started worrying about having to cut him off, because he was nursing so much.
My original goal was to nurse him for a year...and I honestly didn't think I would make it that long.
However, as the time passed, he definitely wasn't showing any interest in stopping.
And I was not interested in nursing him two or three years like some moms.

In the last two weeks though, he has really cut back.
Right now I nurse him morning, noon, and night.
There are even times he doesnt seem interested.
He RARELY wants to be nursed to sleep.

Matt asked me last night before bed if it made me sad.
I had never really thought about it.
I honestly didn't feel that HUGE CONNECTION that woman talk about while nursing.
I am glad that I could, and I enjoyed that quiet time with him, but I never imagined ever being sad that it was over.
And honestly, I'm not really.
We had a good run - and I am guessing it will last for a month or so still.
I feel blessed to have been able to provide nourishment for him for an entire year.
I do feel a little sentimental over it.
That he doesn't NEED me in that regard anymore.

It's kind of funny, because even the few times I do nurse him during the day he doesn't seem all that interested...he just does it.
However every other day or so he will get really fussy and clingy and just want to snuggle and nurse.
So I know he isn't done yet.

I am thankful he is weaning himself off gradually.
I am thankful for the amount of time I was able to nurse him.
I am a little sad that the end of nursing means he is growing up. I really feel like he is turning into a toddler.
But I am looking forward to what that next phase has to hold for us...and all the new experiences in store.

However for these last few weeks I will enjoy a few more moments like this a day.

Back to our "temporary" norm

Reagan woke up this morning and seemed a little disoriented, sad.

He kept going from room to room saying "dada"

I don't blame him, Matt has been home for 3 weeks.

It probably was confusing for him to wake up and not be able to find him. 

Especially since he is straight up obsessed with his daddy.

I am feeling a little out of sorts as well...a little sad.

I love that Matt gets so much time off during Christmas.

This year was exceptionally great though.

We were talking and realized that every other year we have been traveling somewhere. 

Last year we were in Wisconsin and Chicago.

The year before that we were in Atlanta.

The year before that we were in St. Louis.

This was really our first year to be home...and it was so good for us.

So good.

We get caught up with life so often.

Especially this last year with Reagan being born.

Adjusting to life with a baby has been just that..a huge adjustment.

With Matt working full-time and going to school full-time...it has been really hard.

And it has been so hard to focus on each other and just have fun.

Normally when Matt gets home from work, he does homework.

You might think I am exagerrating, but at least 5 days of the week when he comes home...he eats and then does homework until at least 10, usually 11.

The other nights he usually has class.

On the rare occasion we do have time together...we usually figure out our budget for the month, or clean a bathroom together or something fun like that.

Does it sound like I am complaining? 

Because I probably am.

This season of life is something I really struggle finding joy in.

Anyway, back to the past few weeks.

I am crying thinking about

maybe partly because Matt is gone and I am emotional and Reagan is wandering around like a lost little puppy saying "dada"

But I had SO. MUCH. FUN.

It was so fun to have Matt home...mentally, not just physically.

It was so fun to see him interact with Reagan.

It was so fun to just spend time together.

We deep-cleaned the whole house.

That totally doesn't sound exciting, but it was. 

It took us a few days...we just did it slowly.

We took breaks to play with Reagan...or watch a movie.
I don't remember the last time we took the time to watch a movie together.

We didn't have an agenda, but we got so much accomplished.

We finished 4 or 5 projects that had piled up over the year that we have been wanting to get to.

The main one is that we completely redid our downstairs bathroom.

The people who lived here before us didn't have a strong enough fan in there...so water would build up...and mold was starting to grow. Gross. So we tore it all apart. 

Repainted. 

New trim.
New fan.

And completely re-decorated.

This was it before.

 And this is after.
Much brighter.
And Cleaner.

We took a little family selfie too

Reagan is semi-learning to wave. He sort of just sticks his hand out.

We went out to eat.

We slept in.

Let me rewind a few weeks...we started sleep-training Reagan the week before Matt's break started. 

We were at our wit's end with him getting up every night at 1am and then 6am.

It took a little over a week, but it has been smooth-sailing ever since.

He has been sleeping through the night.

He will usually wake up around 7:30, and nurse and go back to sleep.

Which...on a normal schedule...I would just get up and around for the day then...but since we didn't have any agenda to follow...I nursed him and we all went back to bed until 9.

Can I get a hallelujah!

We ALL enjoyed some rest this vacation!

His naps have been spot on too.

2 hours.

Since we don't really have a babysitter down here, we kind of reserved his naptimes for date-times.
We couldn't go anywhere, but we had fun.

I honestly can't think of the last time I had that much fun.

We watched movies, ate pizza, played video games...

And by video games I mean SuperMarioBro's for the Wii...that is about as much of a gamer as I am.

It felt like we were dating again. Only better.

I know why I am feeling sad this morning. 

Matt went back to work today.

Next week he starts up classes again.

We are going back to the norm. 

I know what that has in store.

I know the endless hours with me and Reagan. 

Just me and Reagan.

I know the look on Matt's face when he is tired.
So tired.
I think the worst part is just missing him.
He is gone so much...and so busy when he is home that missing him is what it comes down to.

These past few weeks completely rekindled why I fell in love with him in the first place.
He is my best friend.
 I can't wait until our new "norm" only involves him working...and coming home everyday at 5pm.
How wonderful that will be!

This break was so good. 

And so much fun.

TWO MORE SEMESTERS!

365 days full of The Word

I don't think I have ever done a New Year's Resolution.

And I never really intend to.

This year I do have a "goal" though.

The last few years, especially this last year, I have felt really convicted to just get into the Word.

I've done devotions, and Bible Studies.

I have done #shereadstruth plans.

And while I think of all that is good...it hasn't really worked for me.

I will read the Bible passages that go along with devotions or that are brought up in books or Bible Studies, but I have a hard time applying it to my life. 

I have a hard time getting into it and getting passionate about it.

Reading the entire Bible is something I have always wanted to do.

Actually I did do it way back when - in like middle school/high school.

I literally think it took me about 5 years.

I read Genesis to Revelation - straight on through.

And I found it extremely confusing and quite a little boring.

This time I am reading it Chronologically. 

I am reading it as it really happened.

And I am so excited!

This is how I should have read it the first time, because this is what intrigues me.

The dates and how things flow together. 

I am really looking forward to understanding it.

If you know me you know that I love organization.

I love lists and checklists.

And I rarely succeed unless I write something out for myself to follow and track my progress and have people to keep me accountable.

I already have my list printed out for 365 days. 

365 days of a few verses and chapters to read.

It is actually a lot less than you would think.

10-15 minutes a day and I will be done.

I will be keeping notes to myself as I read.

I might pop in occasionally and write a blog about my progress here and there, but I will see how it goes.

I am really excited to do this!

I encourage you to dig into the Word in 2014 too.

Find what works for you and get to into it!