Today.

I've been gone for the past week with Reagan.

We went to the U.P. with my family...and although it was fun, it was very exhausting and we are so glad to be back with our Matt Pat.

But I will write a post about that at a later date.

For today:

We just decided to lay low.

And the weather was perfect!

 Reagan is becoming such a fun little baby :)

I am sure I will say this many times in the coming months and years...but as of now: 4 months is a fun age.

I also lost 7 more pounds since last time I updated you.

Yay!

And I think 5 of that was from this past week.

I don't know if it was the heat or what...but I felt like Reagan was eating ALL. THE. TIME.

We laid outside on our front lawn for quite awhile today and just enjoyed life and all being back together :)

Reagan sure loves his daddy.

5 seconds before I took this picture he was sucking on his arm, but then he got distracted by the leaves blowing on the tree in our front yard.

This kid seriously has a thing for leaves blowing in the wind. 

He stares at them while he lays outside.

He stares at them through the window.

He stares at their shadows.
Its cute.

Overall we have had a nice relaxing day together :)

And what a better way to end the day than to dig into some homemade fresh strawberry pie tonight.

Can't wait till its set!

Just a few thoughts

I still need to write Reagans 4 month post, but I'll get around to that soon.

For this morning here are just a few random thoughts.

Reagan is 4 months old! Where has the time gone?

And when did he start looking like he was 2?!

Also..notice...he is finally growing hair on his head!

Yay yay yay :)

This morning his paci was sitting in his lap and he looked down and grabbed it and put it in his mouth by himself...twice! And it wasn't on accident...you could just tell his little brain was working on how to get everything to move and work together correctly. It was so cute.

Little Mr. Independant.

It was nice to spend this past weekend at home. We did some shopping, cleaned out and organized our much needed and totally messy 4th bedroom downstairs, and just relaxed together.

Also this past weekend random people commented on how cute Reagan was.

:) I know I know :) I get to stare at that precious face all day long.

But anyway, they also asked his name, and upon saying "Reagan" they said "wow, I love that name for a little boy." 

This happened on two separate occasions.

Thank you very much for not thinking he was a girl since almost everyone does after hearing his name.

And FYI the original meaning of Reagan is actually masculine - Regal, Little King.

His eyes are getting so blue. 

I love it!

Also. I've been having some anxiety lately.

My parents asked us awhile ago if we wanted to go to a lodge in the UP with them for a week, but Matt didn't think he could take two weeks off this summer, so we said no.

But I think just Reagan and  I are going to go up with them.

Mama since you will be reading this...this is my confirmation that I am going. Call me so we can figure our details!

It will get me out of the house and make my week go by faster, but I am totally having anxiety over leaving Matt.

This is the longest I have been away from him ever. And I have a little baby.

So I have been a little stressed about it.

And by stressed I mean I was totally nauseous all day yesterday.

I am such a loser.

But anyway, I am kind of excited too. It should be fun. 

And I got Reagan some adorable beach stuff :)

We will just miss our Matt Pat.

Thankfully though his friend Mook is coming down to stay with him for the week...so he won't be all alone.

So that is a few of my thoughts lately.

I will be gone from technogloy probably for the week.

But you can bet there will be pictures when I get back.

Oh and also...does anyone else crack up whenever their kid poops. 

I still do every.single.time.

#im8atheart

Thoughts on being a SAHM

Being a stay at home mom (SAHM) has quite a few stigma associated with it.

I've been struggling with it for the past few weeks.

It may or may not have something to do with Reagan being a little hellion the past two weeks...

but anyway...

Here are my thoughts.

*pre-warning: this will probably be a long post. I am wordy.*

One of my friends told me once that being a SAHM is one of the loneliest jobs there is.

I totally blew it off and thought...how can that be? 

You are home in your comfort zone

Spending time with people you love

Having playdates

Cooking fun dinners

And playing with babies

You have a free schedule to do whatever you choose to with your kiddos.

It looks a lot more like:

Screaming babies

Poopy diapers

Puke

Pee

Endless laundry

Trying to find meals that are quick yet your family will enjoy

A t-shirt and jeans

Greasy hair in a ponytail

.....

You get the gist of it.

My view was totally off.

There is a lot of give give give in motherhood.

And so far there isn't much reward.

Yes, I love when he smiles and coos at me or lights up when I walk in a room.

But there isn't really any payoff.

Not yet anyway.

I don't regret what I do.

Matt and I made the decision for me to stay home.

And I love that I get to.

To do this Kingdom work.

To raise the future generation.

And gift that God has granted to me.

But it is hard.

Harder than I thought it would be.

Cue the "my mother was right" speech

Putting up with the stigma of being a SAHM is hard.

The degrading looks and feeling of disapproval when people ask what you do and you say "stay home"

This should be something that should be celebrated.

It is not for everyone. But that does not mean it is wrong in any way.

Just as other mothers choosing to work isn't wrong.

But I hate the "fight" between mothers who work out of the home and mothers who work in the home.

And you all know its there.

The feeling that one is superior or inferior to the other.

We are all mothers.

And we are all wanting and doing what we feel is best for our families.

I think as mothers it is important for us to encourage one another and to connect with each other.

I really lack the latter.

I am not really the most outgoing type.

When we lived in Grand Rapids, we were newly married and just clung to each other and our newlywed love <3 ha

And then we moved to Cedar Springs. We knew no one and shortly after moving I got pregnant.

And then the next year flew by...and here we are.

We don't really have any friends in the area.

And because we go up north so often we haven't gotten involved in a church.

Its bittersweet.

We love our families and being up north.

But we are so lonely down here.

Especially during the week.

Part of the problem is...we are young.

Most friends our age aren't even married yet...much less have children.

So trying to connect with people is just different.

And we are also busy.

With Matt taking classes it takes up so much of his time and energy.

And that is just all the more extra time that I am on my own on mom duty.

So I am struggling with how to get involved and not go crazy listening to my boy fuss and fuss and fuss for the last two weeks.

Plus I am struggling with how to meet people.

I'll be honest. 

I people stalk. 

I walk through Family Fare and pick out possible mom friends.

Or possible married couple friends.

Yup. I'm totally crazy.

But it is hard. 

That balance between being home and caring for my family.

And connecting with other mothers.

Sharing our hearts and getting that support that we all need.

So tonight I encourage you to support one another.

Give that mother with the screaming baby at the grocery store a hug.

Cause we've all been there.

Or a whisper that "It'll be ok"

Cause sometimes you really feel like it won't

But it will.

And we all need those reminders.

It seems like every night lately I have been praying the 2 Corinthians verse about not losing heart...

So carry forth mothers. 

We are all in this together.

Postpartum

My postpartum recovery has been much different than expected.

The first week was very rough.

I was in SO much pain. And so overwhelmed.

 First off...I didn't expect my belly to look so different. I knew I had stretch marks, but seriously...I have A LOT.

I think because most of them were on the bottom of my belly they were hidden from view when I was pregnant.

I am glad Matt didn't marry me based on how my belly looked.

Because it is one hot mess now.

Cute ONE piece swimsuits will be a staple in my wardrobe now.

Secondly. I tore pretty badly.

And it is STILL not healed. 

Honestly...my body could fix that up anytime and I'd be fine with it.

And I still have the nausea...but I did have that pre-pregancy, so that isn't really anything new.

Other than that things have gone unexpectedly well.

Pre-pregnancy I was overweight.

A lot of it was due to hormones

(according to me doctor I wasn't even ovulating when I got pregnant because my hormones were so messed up)

And I also wasn't exercising or eating like I should.

This is me pre-pregnancy.

It was seriously hard to find a full body shot of me around that time.

Probably because I didn't want any...

And then I got pregnant. 

I lost over 20 pounds the first 3 months of being pregnant.

And by the end of my pregnancy I had only gained less than 15 pounds.

This is me at 39 weeks, I believe.

  And then I had my sweet boy and the weight started coming off in droves.

Reagan isn't even 4 months old yet.

And as of tonight I have lost 45 pounds since giving birth.

Which puts me at 30 pounds less than my weight before I got pregnant.

I'll be honest.

I am loving it.

My hormones are changing though. 

I got my period back before Reagan was even 3 months old :(

I was pretty disappointed about that.

I was hoping exclusively breastfeeding would postpone it a lot longer than that.

My hair is also falling out.

In chunks.

Oh well :( at least I got to enjoy about a year of lush full locks.

My weight loss is also slowing down.

Thankfully though I am still slowly losing weight.

Thank you breastfeeding!

I am just hoping my hormones don't revert back to where they were.

Because that was terrible.

Like really awful.

I am thorougly enjoying losing weight and feeling good about myself.

I still would like to lose about 20 pounds, but I also plan to continue breastfeeding for several more months...which should help.

Matt snapped a few pictures of me tonight.

I think I am looking much better :)

My body has changed.

My stomach is still a little...saggy.

Even when I was really overweight I never carried weight in my stomach.

And my boobs are huge.

But even so I feel much better about myself.

I am going to start now actually trying to lose weight and see if it helps some too.

Eating a lot healthier and exercising.

I try to eat pretty healthy as it is...since whatever I eat, Reagan gets. But I can do better.

I also take a lot of walks with Reagan and haul him around all day, but other than that I haven't been doing any exercising. So I am going to start doing some postpartum exercises too to help my body out.

So that is where I am currently at.

And I am enjoying it :)

This week.

Some days are just long.

And the nights even longer.

This week has seriously been testing my will.

Sunday night Matt ran upstairs to grab a diaper for Reagan, and as he was running back down he jumped and smashed his head into the ceiling...and then proceeded to roll around on the floor in a heap.

Monday was pretty normal, but when Matt got home from work he said he had felt all achy and just "off" all day and thought we should go to the doctor for his head. So we packed up and made a trip to Urgent Care.

About 500 other people must have had the same idea...because it was packed and they told us the wait was over 2 hours.

Did I mention that half of the people there sounded like they were hacking up a lung?

Matt decided he was fine and that we should leave.

At this point he was more worried about Reagan getting sick from the other people than for himself getting treated.

Monday night...Matt woke up sick...and Reagan woke up hungry.

Reagan had me up from 2-5am (seriously? he hasn't done this since he was 2 weeks old...) and Matt got up at 5 and was sicker than ever.

I will admit...I sometimes think guys are a little dramatic with sickness, but I legitimately felt bad for him.

He was full out lay-on-the-bathroom-floor-all-night sick.

So Tuesday we got him into the doctor.

Remember him hitting the ceiling?

Mild concussion :/

She said neurologically he checked out fine though and she didn't think he needed  a CT scan.

And then on top of that she thinks he picked up a bug somewhere.

Later that night he said he started feeling better...and even ate some. 

But then another wave hit and he was sick sick sick. 

We all went to bed early only to be woken at 2am by neither of us feeling well.

Ugh. 

Matt went downstairs to sleep because he was too hot...and I fell back asleep only to be woken by Reagan at 4:30 wanting to eat.

Where is this coming from, my dear child?

So yesterday was another long day of Matt being sick and me trying to take care of him and Reagan all while trying not to allow me or Reagan to get infected. 

On top of all that I have been having bad cramps the last week or so...no idea why.

And Reagan has a fever yet again...and his cheeks are bright red.

Maybe its teeth. Who knows.

There was a lot of this going on this week.

Oh...and yeah. He is still attacking his head with his fingernails :(

 

Once again...we all went to bed early.

I remember praying and listening to the storm outside and hearing Reagan moving around through the monitor and Matt breathing next to me...and next thing I knew it was light out.

No one woke up sick.

No one woke up to eat.

Lamentations 3:22-23

Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,
    for his compassion's never fail.

They are new every morning;
    great is your faithfulness.

I may not be out of the clear yet, but I am thankful Matt is starting to feel better. 

It makes me thankful for the husband I have, because doing parenting solely on my own the last three days has been hard.

Yes, I am a stay at home mom and parent Reagan all day long.

But I know Matt is there to help if need be.

This week Matt couldn't help at all...he was quarantined away from us...and it was hard.

I am thankful that my family is usually very healthy.

And days...or weeks like this are rare.

And I am thankful that for now we just have one child.

Because soon there will be more.

And having to put 5 children in quarantine or parent 5 children on my own will be even harder.

I can ease into parenthood.

This was a good practice week for what is to come.

And I am thankful that this was the view I got to see this morning :)

Dear Reagan - 3 months

My sweet boy

I can't believe you are three months old already!

You are such a fun baby.

So happy almost all the time.

Unless you have gas :(

Which is new to us...you just started having gas pains last week, and will scream and scream for about an hour in pain...it about breaks our hearts. But the last few days with every feeding I have been giving you a few gas drops...and it seems to be helping. You are back to your normal happy self.

You also had your first fever...and it lasted about a week. You were so fussy and just not your self. I am glad you are feeling better now. 

You are SO. STRONG.

And totally not a cuddler anymore.

You like to be up and looking around

Or standing so you can see whats going on.

You LOVE to be outdoors...and throw a fit when we come back inside.

You also learned to roll over!

You did it for the first time on exactly your 3 month birthday :)

You are also giggling so much now!

And will respond to being tickled and played with...just when I thought you couldn't get any cuter.

You weigh 15 pounds and are in the 80th percentile and are over 26 inches long...which puts you in the 100th percentile for height!

You really are such a joy and an amazing baby.
You kind of digressed in your sleep habits for a few weeks and would only sleep from 11pm to 6am

...but just when I was getting frustrated you slept from 9pm to 7:30am!

It may have been from being sick though...we will see how this week goes!

Love you, my Reagan boy.