What's in my bag.

I've been a bit off the radar lately.

Not because I don't have anything to say.

But more because I don't have anything positive to say.

My heart has been heavy lately.

So instead of doing an emotionally charged post...

I just decided to get back in touch by doing a "what's in my bag post"

The contents of my purse change daily.

But this is as of today.

I got back from the chiropractor...emptied its contents...and took a picture.

Also note...because my purse is so big I often use it as a diaper bag.

My actual diaper bag tends to stay in the car with other necessities and just be used for when we take trips. Its easier just to carry my purse.

So without further ado...my purse.

1. My wallet.

If I was to empty it's contents I would need to do a whole other post, but it carries my necessites. Money, license, pictures, change.

2. My new phone! Ok...not really new...its an iphone 3gs. But since I have never had a smart phone...I am super excited! And it was free! Even better :)

3. Chapstick.

Always.

4. Extra clothes for Reagan.

You never know when you might need them.

5. Snack.

You never know when I need food. 

You have no idea how smashed that granola bar is...

6. Toy for Reagan.

7. Hair things.

Sometimes my bangs just need to be bobbypinned down.

8. Keycard.

Normally this would be in my wallet, but I used it the other day for my haircut.

It is good for Tons of discounts and coupons around the Grand Rapids area.

9. Diaper Cream.

Not sure why I always carry this around...Reagan has NEVER had a diaper rash. There was one time he pooped in the middle of the night and I was too lazy to get up and change him and his butt was a little red in the morning mom of the year award...I totally felt terrible...but that is it. 

10. Sockies for the Reagan-boy.

11. Car keys.

I can totally picture my hubby getting mad right now. He hates that I leave the keys in my purse and not on our key rack.

He hates it!

12. Diaper.

Never forget extras of these!

13. Wipes.

Or these!

14. Nursing cover.

You never know when duty calls. 

If we are out and about I tend to just nurse him in the car...but I always take it just in case.

15. Paci

We NEVER leave the house without this!

16. Nose sucker.

Not sure why this is still in my purse...

17. Gum.

Definitely!

18. A card from my Grandma's birthday.

This wouldn't normally be there...but we just celebrated her 89th birthday on Sunday!

19. A pen.

It's really annoying the OCD part of me that there were 19 things and not 20. I almost added something and started this post over again just to make it even...

But there it is!

Some of the necessities of my daily life.

And just as I was finishing up my sweet Reagan woke up from his nap.

He is so hoarse and doesn't feel very well :( poor baby.

But he seemed chipper when he woke up!

I think it might be from the colder weather

He just sounds awful though...

Dear Reagan - 5 months

My sweet Reagan you are almost halfway to a year old already!

#slowdownplease

It was pointed out to me that it isn't the 27th yet.

Yes, I do know when your birthday is...I have been counting your monthly updates by weeks.

So you are almost 21 weeks old...but you won't be 5 months old for a few more days.

From now on I will be counting by the 27th of each month though...because I keep losing track of weeks anyway.

So. 5 months.

You are a sweet lovable little guy, but you have been testing my patience lately.

You are demanding.

And not patient at all.

I am already cringing at what you might be like when you are 2.

Lord, prepare me.

You are still as smily as ever though.

And you love tummy time now.

You flail your arms and legs. Nonstop.

I can't wait until you are mobile.

I have a feeling you will be just like your daddy and moving all the time.

Time to start baby-proofing.

I have a feeling you will start crawling and walking early too. You are already getting frustrated that you can't get where you want to go.

Every now and then you will get the movements just right and scoot forward :)

Mostly though you just spin and spin and spin in circles.

It's cute.

You take everything in.

You watch stuff so intently like you are trying to figure the whole world out.

 You had your first taste of formula, and rice cereal, and pears this month.

So many firsts.

And you loved it all!

But we have stopped giving you cereal and babyfood. 

We will probably wait about a month still until you get more.

You are in the 80th percentile for weight.

And in the 90th percentile for height.

18.10 pounds and 27 inches long.

Such a big boy!

I have begun putting you in your crib for naps.

Every now and then I would lay you in your crib for a nap.

But mostly you have napped while being held, or in your bouncy, or in your swing.

You have done surprisingly well though.

You are very sensitive to noise though ( which we already knew )

So if the phone rings, or I make the slightest noise...it wakes you up.

Which makes for a not very happy mama...or baby.

You also got your first tooth!

I feel like you have been teething for a month and a half.

You chew on everything and drool constantly.

But it didn't seem to bother you at all...you weren't fussy or anything or at least not fussier than usual.

You just woke up one day and BAM you had a little tooth!

I hope the rest of the teeth go just as well. 

I tried to get a picture of it, but lets be honest...you are 5 months old.

You wanted nothing to do with that. 

You were also much more into eating your toy than bracing yourself to sit up.

 Your favorite position lately. Laying on your side with your legs crossed.

We love you, Reagan boy!

Happy 5 months!

And even though he is a super happy and sweet baby...don't be fooled.

This is real life.

He was puking in about 5 pictures.

His first taste of formula...

I had to give Reagan formula yesterday for the first time in his 5 months of life.

I HAD to.

On Monday my milk supply plummeted.

Tuesday the same.

The last few days it has been about the same.

I don't seem to be losing any. But I am definitely not gaining any.

And there is definitely not enough to satisfy him.

My supply has always fluctuated a lot.

From being very engorged...to hardly having anything.

But I always have enough for him.

And it has never been this low, especially not for this long.

So finally last night around 9:30 I gave in and made him a bottle.

I knew he was hungry.

And I was stressed and upset I couldn't make enough milk for him. 

I was worried he wouldn't like the taste of it...and it would just make him more upset.

(I had tried to give him formula once before just to see what he would do in case I ever did need to give it to him...and he wanted nothing to do with it and spit it all out)

But

He downed it in about 5 minutes.

And was happy as could be.

And I cried.

I don't know why my milk supply is suddenly dwindling.

Nothing in my diet or routine has changed.

And I feel like a failure that I can't provide the nutrients that he needs.

Did any other mothers go through something similiar?

I have been nursing him every two hours on the dot to try and get my supply back up, but it doesn't seem to be helping.

I have heard of the tea and pills you can take to boost your supply.

But

1. Do they work?

2. Are they safe?

I am kicking myself now for not being adamant about pumping. I only had about 10 bags in the freezer. He had those gone in a day and a half.

He spent the rest of the evening happy and content with a full belly though...and went right to sleep.

I on the other hand laid awake stressing about not being able to provide for him.

Which I'm sure just made the situation worse.

So any breastfeeding mothers have any advice for me?

5 months postpartum

Today marks 5 months since I had our little Reagan man.

After I got the first few weeks out of the way...my postpartum recovery went much better than anticipated.

And I am LOVING that I am losing weight.

Like you probably have no idea how happy I am.

As of  a few days ago...I weigh in the 140's!

I am exactly 40 pounds less than I was pre-pregnancy.

And I have lost 55 pounds since giving birth.

It's hard to tell in a dress, but that is what I happened to throw on this morning.

But you can definitely tell I am smaller all over. Minus my boobs.

*don't mind my hair*

That is like the size I was when Matt and I met. 

Granted my body has changed.

Now my sag and weight seems to be in my belly.

But I am loving learning to dress my new body.

And I am loving shopping!

I know my hormones can change back.

They probably will change back.

And my breastfeeding days are numbered.

But for now I will enjoy this time of packing away all my bigger clothes.

And spending way too much time in Goodwill picking through the Medium's and 8's and 10's.

I wore an 8 in high school!

Now I am off to the Chiropractor.

And to spend my day with this sweet boy.

 I will do his 5 month post soon!

 

Five on Friday

I know of several blogs that do re-caps of the week on Fridays.

So I decided to join the bandwagon.

I will call it Five on Friday

I will be posting about the 2 worst parts of the week...things I struggled with.

And then I will be posting the 3 best parts of the week...things I loved!

So here we go for my first Five on Friday!

Worst

 - Matt's work schedule. 

They have been looking for a new Manager for IT quite some time now. Every time they get to the final round of interviews...they nix everyone and decide to start back over. They also are in the process (still) of hiring two new techs. So Matt and his co-worker have been picking up a lot of slack and been VERY busy. Hence the reason Matt Pat was gone till 10:30 Monday night. But he just got confirmation this should be changing very soon! So hopefully next week you will have an update!

- Putting Reagan to sleep.

The last few nights...Reagan has NOT wanted to go to bed. I don't know what his deal has been, but the moment we lay him down he has been wide awake. Needless to say...its exhausting.

Best

- Last weekend

We just stayed home as our little family. It was so nice to relax. Matt had finished his homework during the week...so we had nothing on the agenda, which is rare! We enjoyed just relaxing and spending time as a family.

- Thursday

Reagan was such a little sweetheart. He wasn't fussy or demanding. He took naps well and it was just overall a good day. I even went grocery shopping and he was content the whole time despite being woken up by screaming children. He just played quietly with his owl and talked and giggled away to the old ladies who stopped to admire his cuteness.

 We also were outside for quite a bit, which of course he loved.

He was far more into eating his toys than pictures though.

 - Date night

This hasn't happened yet, but I know it will be in the very top of my favorite things for the week. We have desperately been needing to get away lately. To spend time together. Away from Reagan. My sisters are coming down to watch him...and we are going out! I am a little nervous because this is the first time I am leaving him with someone other than my mother :/ but I am sure he and they will be fine. And I am so excited to get away with Matt for awhile and just focus on each other and our marriage and have some fun without worrying about being puked or pooped on. Or Reagan being hungry or so on. It will be fun. And we will finally get to use that Carrabbas gift card he got from work!

  

My Selfish ways and glimpses of Grace.

Every now and then if you take a step back you can see God's hand at work. 

This morning was rough.

But I saw a few glimpses of God's grace looking back at it now.

Reagan woke up at 4am...and wouldn't go back to sleep.

I nursed him.

Rocked him.

Changed him.

He would sleep in my arms but as soon as I laid him down he would be wide awake.

 Finally at 5am...I said...I can't do this anymore, and just left him.

He wasn't crying or even fussy...he was just awake.

And I was dead tired.

Like more tired than I have ever been.

5:30 he starts fussing again.

I get up with him and hold him for a few minutes...but I am just SO. TIRED.

I give him his paci and lay him down again.

He fusses. Matt gets up and gives him his paci.

He fusses. I get up and give him his paci.

This time I can legitimately tell he is tired...and he falls asleep.

6:15 I hear him moving around again. 

Not crying...just starting to get agitated.

So I get up and nurse him while Matt gets up and around for work.

The whole time I am so annoyed and SO TIRED.

I honestly don't know what my deal is.

Reagan has been sleeping till 7 or 7:30 lately...so it's not like I am lacking sleep.

I just keep stewing and getting angry that Matt won't take him.

*uh duh hanna...he has to get ready for work*

But I'm still selfishly so annoyed.

He finally comes in to take him

*probably just to say goodbye for the day actually*

but I hand him off and head straight back to bed.

I'm not sure what happened in the next few minutes because I fall right back to sleep.

Matt comes in and puts Reagan in his bouncy next to our bed...and I think we argued about something. I am not even sure :/

Feeling a little guilty about this now...

But then he leaves for work.

I remember saying "just go to sleep, Reagan. Please."

The next thing I knew he was giggling and talking and it was 8:30.

Looking back now I realize how selfish I sound, but I also see a few glimpses of God's grace.

The fact that Reagan wasn't screaming or even crying or even really fussy while he was awake.

a little bit of grace.

God knew I couldn't handle that today.

The fact that Reagan fell back to sleep when Matt put him in his bouncy seat in our room.

a lot a bit of grace.

Once he is awake...Reagan is awake. He doesn't nap well at all. Usually around 20-30 minutes.

God knew I needed that hour of sleep.

After I got up with him at 8:30 I changed his diaper and got him dressed.

Poop explosion.

More guilt for letting him sit in that :(

I then put him in his jumper.

I knew he was hungry, but I wanted to put my contacts in, get something to drink...

Selfish.

All the while he happily played in his jumper.

God's grace.

Reagan is a very demanding baby.

He knows what he wants and he wants it NOW.

Patience isn't a virtue he currently has.

But he happily played while I got myself together.

I then sat down to nurse him and he was happy as could be.

Talking.

Giggling.

We then snuggled for a bit and we had a little chat which included me apologizing for being a grouch and selfish this morning.

He didn't know what was going on.

He held no grudge.

He was happy. Content.

God's grace.

I could take a lessen in forgiveness from him.

Not holding grudges.

Being happy in the moment and just moving on.

2 Corinthians 12:9 - But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness....”

I was weak this morning.

Angry.

Selfish.

I could be bitter about the whole situation.

I am still tired.

My head feels like it might explode.

But I saw God's hand at work this morning...little signs saying "you will be ok...here is a little bit of grace" 

And for that I am so thankful.

Oh, and look. He's napping again.

So I could get some breakfast and write this post.

Baby Chiro Care

I was bound and determined to write a post this morning complaining about how Matt was at work ALL DAY yesterday. 

How I hate days like that.

How the only reason he even saw Reagan the entire day....was because when he came home at 10:15pm and closed the door it woke Reagan up.

But the more I stewed and thought about it...how the rest of the week would probably be similar with him gone..I began to think about what else was going on this week and I thought about my Chiropractic appointments.

And how expensive Chiro Care is.

But how because of Matt's job...we have very good insurance.

And only pay 10 dollars.

So instead I decided to write about Baby Chiro Care.

I have been going to the Chiropractor since Reagan was a few weeks old.

I have always had back issues.

And pregnancy/labor/postpartum made it a lot worse.

Ever since I have gone my doctor has noted that Reagan always cocks his head to one side.

He does.

It always lays to the right.

I never thought much of it, because when Reagan was about a week old his doctor said it was because of torticollis and said with some physical therapy he would grow out of it.

We went to physical therapy and she said nothing was wrong...

So anyway, at my last few appointments I have been talking to my chiro about Baby Chiro Care.

So I decided to make Reagan an appt. 

I was a little hesitant at first because some people are all like "chiropractors are so bad...they mess up your back more than help it."

And because my adjusments hurt...a lot. And I didn't want to hurt Reagan.

But it was so simple.

I just had to lay on my back on the bed and then Reagan laid on his belly on me...and my chiro had this little tool with a rubber end that tapped on certain spots on his spine when he felt something was off.

Reagan giggled through the whole process.

He said a lot of times with babies they "respond" after only getting adjusted once or twice.

I wasn't sure I believed that, but the very next day he woke up on his tummy.

Good morning mom!

A little background.

Reagan does NOT like to be on his tummy.

He never has.

He doesn't like tummy time.

He doesn't even like to be snuggled on your shoulder on his tummy.

(like in the position to be burped)

Every single day this past week (except once)...he has woke up on his tummy...and he has been content. Not screaming.

He has to make sure he can get his thumb though :)

 

He actually will lay during tummy time now for an extended period of time.

And he acts like he enjoys it.

 He has been spitting up a lot less.

He just seems less fussy and more content in general.

And he will let us snuggle up with him again!

He has acutally WANTED to snuggle in this position a few times!

I am not even kidding with all this.

I was a little leery of Baby Chiro Care at first, but I am so excited to go back this week and see what my chiropractor says.

Oh, and look! His head is laying centered...even slightly to the left!

So relaxed :)

A Day In Our Life

I have a blogger friend who does an "A Day In Our Life" post every now and then...and her most recent added a picture every hour.

I thought it was a cute idea...and since everyone knows I'm obsessed with pictures, I thought I would give it a try.

This wasn't really our "typical" day since Matt was home yesterday, but it still worked.

...It also became a lot more tedious than fun after about 10:30 in the morning, but I still carried forth.

6:30am

Wake up

7:30am

He usually conks out about an hour after he wakes up so its...

Naptime!

  8:30am

Time to get dressed for the day.

9:30am

Reagan-man plays and I make some breakfast

10:30am

Reagan gets to enjoy some snuggles with daddy since he's home! And then enjoys his third breakfast of the day.

11:30am

Fighting sleep, fighting sleep, fighting sleep.

Don't let the pictures fool you. He was not a happy boy.

He finally gave in.

I win :)

12:30pm

We took a little jaunt into Cedar Springs

1:30pm

Naptime for Baby and Daddy.

2:30pm

Playtime

3:30pm

We decided to take some family pictures.

The idea kind of flopped because the sun came out...and Reagan got fussy. But we got a few cute ones.

Me and my boy.

4:30pm and 5:30pm

On the road again. Heading to Target.

I forgot to take a picture in Target...so here we are on the drive home.

6:30pm

Take two at family pictures.

We literally were outside 15 minutes and got SO MANY cute ones.

I was so happy!

We aren't completely in focus, but I don't care. I love it!

Reagan is looking AND smiling.

Yay for a self-timer :)

And it only took 4 tries!

This picture just completely cracks me up.

:) my guys.

I was much happier with how these turned out!

7:30pm

Laundry.

8:30pm

Watching some TV

9:30pm

Cereal, and then nursed, and then bed.

10:30pm

I decided to leave this mess and snuggle up and relax with my hubby for a bit.

And now I better get to cleaning up that mess...it is still sitting there, because I chose to write this blog post this morning.

Have a great weekend, friends!

Dear Reagan - 4 months.

My dear sweet boy.

You are such a joy!

Like I said in my post a few days ago: 4 months is a fun age :)

You are as smiley as ever.

You haven't had your 4 month well-baby yet, but according to our scales at home you weigh between 17-18 pounds! Still a little chunker :)

And I am guessing you are around 27 inches long. You are still a really long baby.

You are just big in general.

You love your toys.

Or you at least like eating them.

Actually you like to eat anything.

Anything that you can grab goes straight to your mouth.

You still don't have any teeth though.

You are also VERY verbal.

You know what you want...and you make it known.

You have also starting screaming lately.

A super high-pitched peircing scream.

Not in pain. Or anger. Just for fun...

You also aren't a very patient boy.

And you are quite demanding. I am seeing a Type A personality coming out.

You might be a lot like your daddy.

You are becoming quite the strong little guy.

But you still HATE to be on your belly.

If we put you on it...you immediately roll over.

And if you accidentally roll onto your belly...you quickly flip back over to your back.

You actually prefer your side lately.

You sleep laying on your side with your little feeties braced up against the crib rails.

You are also starting to sit up.

And you LOVE it.

You were giggling the whole time I was taking pictures.

And also note...the drool.

NONSTOP.

You still LOVE the outdoors.

Almost anytime you are fussy we can just bring you outside and you are completely content.

I think this may be the last photoshoot in your bumbo though.

You don't sit in it very well anymore.

I can't believe how quickly you are growing up.

Happy 4 months, my sweet boy!