Dear Reagan - 7 months!

This month has seemed to fly by!

It seems like I JUST did your 6 month update.

But time doesn't stand still...so welcome to 7 months!

You aren't such a chunk anymore. 

You have dropped out of the 100th percentile for height

And your weight is only in the 70th now.

You wear mostly 6-9 month clothes.

You started army crawling everywhere!

Our doctor said that some babies don't crawl, as long as you are mobile and can get where you want that is all that matters! Which you can do no problem...you are a quick little guy.

We are still holding out for seeing you crawl though :)

And due to your recent events and how quick you are...our gate for upstairs came just in time!

And in typical fashion you think its a new toy to play with.

You have also been caught numerous times laying by it and tossing your toys down the steps.

You have also recently started trying to pull yourself up onto stuff.

You aren't quite strong enough yet, but you will usually get yourself about halfway up and just hold that position for awhile and then drop back to the floor.

I was going to do your whole 7 month photoshoot in plaid and overalls to get in the spirit of fall. But you are getting a little more difficult to take pictures of. You don't sit so still anymore!

But seriously. You make an adorable country boy.

We started brushing your little teeth.

You think it is absolutely hilarious.

We've gotta keep those pearly whites nice and white!

You also have been going through this phase for the last 2-3 weeks where you wake up everynight screaming...for numerous hours.

This is so new to us. 

You have ALWAYS been a good sleeper.

So we have been some tired parents.

We thought it might be teeth.

We thought it might be growing pains (turns out babies really do grow the most at night...who knew?)

But last night you slept from 9pm till 7am again.

So who knows.

But I will gladly welcome more nights like last night :)

I used to think you were a mama's boy. 

That was probably just because I was the food source, I suppose.

But you LOVE your daddy something fierce.

Which is no surprise. He is SUCH a great daddy.

You really are blessed to have him as yours.

You light up whenever he is around.

I chopped your tuft of hair off.

Those 10 little hairs were getting SO long and kept getting caught in stuff...something had to be done.

And you are SO CUTE.

I am probably the only one that can really tell, but I love it!

You have started sucking your thumb again lately.

Don't get caught up staring at those baby blues though...you were using your thumb-sucking as a disguise to stuff grass and sticks into your mouth.

We are looking forward to what this next month will bring with you.

All the different challenges and milstones you will reach.

We are really praying it will bring a little more sleep though

love you my sweet boy, 

mama

The bond of Motherhood

This fall a lot of friends are having babies.

Babies seem to come in waves.

Late last winter/spring there were a bunch of us having babies and now there are a lot again coming up this fall.

And I am so excited for them!

When you are pregnant EVERYONE seems to give you advice.

Which I didn't really mind this time around...maybe after 2 or 3 or 4 babies it might get annoying, but with my first I took it all in.

One thing that almost everyone seemed to say was how amazing the motherhood bond is.

How instantly as soon as you have that baby that you are bonded.

And how it makes all the pain worth it.

I am sure all my pregnant friends have heard it too.

Part of me agrees...and part of me really doesn't.

There is that part...that bond...that only a biological mother can have.

You have carried that child for 9 months.

You have felt them move and watched them grow.

You are bonded with them.

But after I had Reagan I didn't feel it.

Yes, I was excited...but I would not say I immediately felt SO bonded to him like everyone describes.

Maybe it was the pain meds.

Maybe it was that I was tired.

But that bond did not happen with me...for weeks it seemed.

Even with breastfeeding people will tell you what a HUGE bond that is.

And yes, part of me agrees with that too. I love that time with Reagan, but at the same time IT.IS.EXHAUSTING. Having to sit down every two hours and feed him is a lot of work. And its tiring (especially in the middle of the night) It isn't all fairies and roses like people describe.

And a lot of women really struggle with breastfeeding.

That wasn't the case with me, but I would imagine that would make the bond even more difficult.

There were times that I felt like I was just working a really long babysitting gig.

That I was just watching and caring for this child. And that was it.

And part of me felt so quilty.

Because over and over again people tell you that you will be bonded instantly.

That it will be love at first sight.

The reason I am telling you this is because I did feel so guilty. 

I really felt like something was wrong with me.

That I was living someone else's life...and I wasn't loving my baby as much as I should.

Let me just tell you that is not true.

The more blogs I read I began to realize more and more that I was not at all alone in how I felt.

While it may be true that some women do have that instant bond from the get-go...there are a lot of us where that case isn't true.

Where the bond forms over time.

Like when Reagan smiled at us for the first time.

Or learned his name.

Or sat up on his own.

When he learned to eat babyfood.

When he learned to do his army crawl.

Where with every new milestone he would look at me and smile like he was saying "hey mom...look what I can do!"

Those things are when the bond formed for me...and where that bond continues to grow.

Part of me says I asked for this.

We feel very led and do plan to adopt one day.

And we have always prayed that our bond and our love will be the same for all of our children, whether biological or not.

So maybe that is why I didn't feel instantly bonded.

The Lord knows what is in store for our family, and maybe an adoption where a bond has to form over time is the reason.

When I had Reagan I was under the impression that you either had full-blown post-partum depression...or that things were going perfectly.

And that is not the case as all.

Postpartum can cover a whole spectrum of emotions...and all of them are normal.

Although if you are feeling really depressed and having trouble caring for you or baby...you should go to the doctor.

I do LOVE being a mom.

I have always known I wanted to be a wife with lots of little kiddos.

But this "bond" was so much different than I expected.

So much more work.

Took so much more time.

And was not at all they way people described it to me.

So all of my friends that are soon-to-be new moms know that you are not alone when you don't think things are going perfectly...or that you aren't loving your baby as much as people describe.

It will come with time.

And you are doing an excellent job.

Postpartum Update

I know they say 9 months on 9 months off.

I don't know who "they" are, but it makes sense.

Reagan is only 6 months old, but I decided to do this last postpartum update early.

I already have lost all the baby weight - plus some, so I figured I would just get this post out of the way. 

Plus Matt was home to take pictures for me :)

This was me at 6 weeks postpartum.

At 6 weeks postpartum I was already down 30 pounds from giving birth.

And 15 pounds from my pre-pregnancy weight.

This post is me at almost 4 months postpartum.

I had lost about 45 pounds since giving birth.

And was about 30 pounds less than I was pre-pregnancy!

And this is me today.

Next week will be 7 months postpartum

I have lost a total of 60 pounds since giving birth!

Seriously that is A LOT!!

And I weigh 45 pounds less than I did pre-pregnancy :)

I still would like to lose about 10-15 more pounds to be at my ideal weight.

Honestly though I am absolutely fine if I stay the size that I currently am.

I am completely happy with how I look right now.

Very happy!

And I feel confident and healthy.

And my weight is within a normal range for my height.

At about 3 months postpartum I had bought a pair of jeans at goodwill that I loved!
But they absolutely did not fit.

They were my "goal" jeans.

And I am proud to say that they fit with no problem now...they are even a little big!

I realize that this is not the norm...that my postpartum journey was VERY easy.

That I did not have to do a thing to let that weight fall off.

I chalk that up to:

- I only gained 15 pounds while I was pregnant anyway.

- I breastfeed...and the child eats like a moose.

- Hence his moose-like statute I have gained some serious muscles lugging him around.

- And I think my hormones were somewhat fixed those first few months postpartum. That is really the only explanation I have for how the weight came off so fast. I knew I had hormone issues before...and I did feel a lot different those first few months after having him.

- I do think I also eat healthier. Not only for myself, but because I know that whatever I am eating Reagan is getting too.

I haven't lost any weight in a month now.

But I am fine with that, because I look and feel great!

Is that self-centered to say that I look great?

Anyway, I just wanted to give you all an update.

Hope you are having a great weekend!

I am loving my time with my Matt Pat and Reagan...minus the fact that Reagan has been waking up and screaming for hours during the night this last week.

Seriously child...we are exhausted.

But that post is for another day...

Enjoy a Sunday of worship and rest tomorrow, friends :)

- and I don't know why that bottom part is italicized and some is bold and some isn't...my blog is having issues. And I am too tired to deal with it and figure it out right now!

On why I take pictures

I can't believe how quickly Reagan is growing up.

He has changed so much since these days.

If you have spent anytime around me...or you follow my blog or are my facebook friend you know I love pictures.

Maybe you think I take too many.
The quick answer to that is that I take pictures because I love them.
I love the memories attached to them.
And I love to remember what we were thinking and feeling at that moment...even when the memories have faded.
I love pictures because they capture all the small things.
And I take pictures because they last.

I don't remember hardly anything about my brother.
I don't have many memories.
And that makes me so sad.
I was only 5 and it is so hard to remember so long ago.
But I do have pictures.
And I LOVE them.
I love looking at them.
I love the emotion and joy captured in them.
I love seeing our family and friends at that time.
And I love how you can tell him and I were best friends.

Memories fade.
And life changes so drastically.
But a picture.
A picture captures a moment in your life.
It may seem small at the time, but all those small moments add up and become days and weeks and years.

With Reagan changing so much and so quickly I have been feeling quite nostalgic lately.
This is the only time in our life that we will be in this moment.
The only time we will have one baby.
The only time Reagan will be 1 or 2 or 6 months old.
It only happens once.

And there are so many things I don't want to forget.

This is why I take pictures.

I don't want to forget this pouty lip.

I don't want to forget how he divebombs into your chest when he is excited.

I don't want to forget his gummy smile.
And now his smile with just those two little teeth.

I don't want to forget his one squinty eye.

I don't want to forget his excited pose while he lays on his back and flails his arms and legs.

I don't want to forget how animated he is...all of his different faces and emotions.

Those giggles. All the time.

 I don't want to forget that tuft of hair.

I don't want to forget how he has to eat EVERYTHING that he can get his hands on!

I don't want to forget this in-between stage when he is finally getting some fuzzy hair on his head.

Those chubby baby toes.

I don't want to forget his excited coughing obnoxious flailing noise when he knows its time to nurse.

I don't want to forget how he lights up everyday when Matt gets home from work.

And those baby blues. I never can forget those.

I don't want to forget this smile.

This huge open-mouthed smile that has been your trait ever since you were two weeks old!

I take pictures because this is our family right now.

And it will never be the same as it is in this moment.

And all of these little things are stuff that I never want to forget.

Changing things up again.

As you can see I've updated my blog a little bit.

I get bored quickly and always want to change it.

For the most part it looks the same, I mainly just changed the colors.

I know some sizing and things need to be messed with and the pictures are distorted, but I had to change it...at least slightly!

Every time I looked at my previous layout all I could think of was McBain

*shudder*

We can't have that!

I will be doing a more updated and complicated layout soon, but this is good for now.

Reagan completely surprised me today and slept until 8:30 this morning...and then fell back asleep at 10:30 and slept for two hours!

Hence the reason his sweet little eyes look so tired...I snapped this as soon as he woke up.

If only I would have known he would be sleeping so much, I would have taken a nap too! This mama has been tired lately...

Today is one of Matt's long days so we are off to spend the day with a friend and her two babies :)

Dear Reagan - 6 months

I know some of you have been trying to access my blog...and I have had it set to private due to the status of my siblings case. I have decided for now to set it to public again...and go forth.

Our family has nothing to hide...and this is MY space. 

My space to share my heart.
And I have missed that...sharing my heart and my thoughts

And I refuse to live in fear for people of have nothing better to do with their time.
Actually the Lord commands us to fear no one. 1 Peter 3:14 comes to mind "But even if you suffer for doing what is right, God will reward you for it...don't worry or be afraid of their threats."

So...I am back!

And without further ado...Reagan Alexander is 6 MONTHS OLD!

My sweet boy...I can't believe you are halfway to a year old already!

You finally started eating babyfood.

After you found a food that you liked (peaches) you must have figured it out and now you eat whatever I give you!

You definitely prefer fruit to veggies though.

And you definitely prefer me to make it homemade than to eat the store-bought stuff.
You haven't gained much weight lately, I think you are still just under 20 pounds..but I chalk that up to how active you are. You definitely aren't lacking...you still nurse about 8 times a day (for those of you who were giving me tips before...my supply has been pretty much back to normal for a few weeks now!) and you eat babyfood 1-2 times a day.

You move everywhere!

You aren't crawling yet...but you are getting up on your hands and knees more and more.

You do a little side-kick maneuver to get you where you want to go.
And you are fast!
You have started rocking back and forth on your hands and knees.

But mostly you roll and roll and roll.

You have SUCH a personality.
You are so animated all the time. So many different faces and emotions...I love it!

You talk ALL THE TIME.

You definitely like to make noise.

You do a lot of "mama" and "dada" and "baba" and a lot of other noises.

You have been sleeping amazingly.
But that isn't really anything new :)
You go to bed usually between 9:30-10:30 and wake up about 7:30.
We have even started laying you down awake so you can learn to fall asleep on your own...and usually you do pretty well, but you want nothing to do with that for naps. You much prefer to be rocked to sleep!

We have been so blessed by these past 6 months with you.
You are such a joy!
And as happy as you've ever been.

I wish all my readers could get a glimpse of how cute you are napping right now :)
You always sleep on your tummy now...and your legs are all curled up underneath you with your butt in the air. So sweet!

Love you my Reagan man,
Momma