This fall a lot of friends are having babies.
Babies seem to come in waves.
Late last winter/spring there were a bunch of us having babies and now there are a lot again coming up this fall.
And I am so excited for them!
When you are pregnant EVERYONE seems to give you advice.
Which I didn't really mind this time around...maybe after 2 or 3 or 4 babies it might get annoying, but with my first I took it all in.
One thing that almost everyone seemed to say was how amazing the motherhood bond is.
How instantly as soon as you have that baby that you are bonded.
And how it makes all the pain worth it.
I am sure all my pregnant friends have heard it too.
Part of me agrees...and part of me really doesn't.
There is that part...that bond...that only a biological mother can have.
You have carried that child for 9 months.
You have felt them move and watched them grow.
You are bonded with them.
But after I had Reagan I didn't feel it.
Yes, I was excited...but I would not say I immediately felt SO bonded to him like everyone describes.
Maybe it was the pain meds.
Maybe it was that I was tired.
But that bond did not happen with me...for weeks it seemed.
Even with breastfeeding people will tell you what a HUGE bond that is.
And yes, part of me agrees with that too. I love that time with Reagan, but at the same time IT.IS.EXHAUSTING. Having to sit down every two hours and feed him is a lot of work. And its tiring (especially in the middle of the night) It isn't all fairies and roses like people describe.
And a lot of women really struggle with breastfeeding.
That wasn't the case with me, but I would imagine that would make the bond even more difficult.
There were times that I felt like I was just working a really long babysitting gig.
That I was just watching and caring for this child. And that was it.
And part of me felt so quilty.
Because over and over again people tell you that you will be bonded instantly.
That it will be love at first sight.
The reason I am telling you this is because I did feel so guilty.
I really felt like something was wrong with me.
That I was living someone else's life...and I wasn't loving my baby as much as I should.
Let me just tell you that is not true.
The more blogs I read I began to realize more and more that I was not at all alone in how I felt.
While it may be true that some women do have that instant bond from the get-go...there are a lot of us where that case isn't true.
Where the bond forms over time.
Like when Reagan smiled at us for the first time.
Or learned his name.
Or sat up on his own.
When he learned to eat babyfood.
When he learned to do his army crawl.
Where with every new milestone he would look at me and smile like he was saying "hey mom...look what I can do!"
Those things are when the bond formed for me...and where that bond continues to grow.
Part of me says I asked for this.
We feel very led and do plan to adopt one day.
And we have always prayed that our bond and our love will be the same for all of our children, whether biological or not.
So maybe that is why I didn't feel instantly bonded.
The Lord knows what is in store for our family, and maybe an adoption where a bond has to form over time is the reason.
When I had Reagan I was under the impression that you either had full-blown post-partum depression...or that things were going perfectly.
And that is not the case as all.
Postpartum can cover a whole spectrum of emotions...and all of them are normal.
Although if you are feeling really depressed and having trouble caring for you or baby...you should go to the doctor.
I do LOVE being a mom.
I have always known I wanted to be a wife with lots of little kiddos.
But this "bond" was so much different than I expected.
So much more work.
Took so much more time.
And was not at all they way people described it to me.
So all of my friends that are soon-to-be new moms know that you are not alone when you don't think things are going perfectly...or that you aren't loving your baby as much as people describe.
It will come with time.
And you are doing an excellent job.
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