Calvin Graham - A Birth Story

Have you missed me?
We have been keeping very busy selling a house and buying a house...oh and we had a baby, so that was kind of a big thing too.
Life has been really chaotic lately, and I have really missed having internet.
I can't wait until we are in our new house and I can use a computer again! We have been using our phones for everything.

I am so glad I documented everything with Reagan's pregnancy and did monthly updates as he grew. I love looking back to see when he hit certain milestones and it helps me keep track for scrapbooking or his baby book with facts that I have forgotten...so I want to do the same with Calvin.

So without further ado...we had a baby precisely 6 days ago!
Introducing our sweet little Calvin Graham!

We knew he was big, and obviously he was very comfy, because he wasn't showing any desire to make his entrance into the world.

In talking with my doctor we decided to induce just before 39 weeks, because of his size, but also because we lived over 2 hours to the hospital, and having a scheduled induction would take a lot of the stress away. My doctor also said I was very favorable for an induction because of the progress my body had already made, so that made me feel better too. I did not want to risk going into labor in the middle of a snowstorm and having the baby somewhere on the highway!

So we packed up our bags and said our goodbyes and headed down to Grand Rapids late in the day on December 21st!

When we got to the hospital they got us all set and registered and put up into our room, which just happened to be right next to the room where we had Reagan!

They were preparing to start the induction, and the resident doctor came in to check me. I agreed with my doctor, and we were planning to do the route with the least meds. We were planning to use the balloon catheter to dilate my cervix and then go from there. When the doctor checked me though I was already 4 cm and having contractions 3 minutes apart, so they figured I was already in labor, which would make the catheter pretty much pointless.

So instead we decided to start Pitocin to make the contractions a little bit stronger.

My labor was pretty uneventful. I couldn't sleep, but I think that was more from excitement than anything. I wasn't really in pain. Actually most of my labor throughout the night was pretty easy. Every time they came in to check me I had made more and more progress...and I really wasn't in much pain at all.

My water broke on its own about 1am. I think shortly after that I was around 7cm when they came in to check me. They didn't want to finish breaking my water because Calvin was still floating way up high...and they wanted him to be low and engaged first. At this point they asked me if I wanted to do anything for pain. I decided to get an epidural mainly because I was hoping it would allow me to get some sleep. I don't know who's great idea it was to do inductions at night and then labor all night long, but what a terrible idea! Matt and I were both so tired! With Reagan it took me around 8 hours to go from 8 to 10 cm...and I didn't really want to labor that long without being able to rest.

When the anesthesiologist came in to give me my epidural I remember feeling a little extra pinch and thinking something didn't feel right, but...what do I know? Apparently I did know, because he totally messed it up. About 5 minutes later I started to get an awful headache. I remember it making me nauseous and them telling me that I needed to lay flat and we turned the lights down low. The epidural worked for about an hour and I was nice and numb, but then whatever they did wrong wore off and I started being able to feel everything again. The contractions were really intense...and my throbbing headache just intensified everything. They came in to check me like an hour later and I was so relieved to hear I was at a 9! They finished breaking my water. I had A LOT of fluid this time in comparison to with Reagan, but when it broke on its own at 1am it was just a small amount. When the doctor finished breaking it...it was the huge gush that I was expecting.

It wasn't much longer after that that I was at a 10! So very thankful that the progress was so much quicker than with Reagan, since I was feeling everything! The doctor told me to start doing some practice pushes to start moving him down. So we did that for about 10 or 15 minutes until I got to the point where I must have been getting close, because then the main doctor came in and they started getting everything set up.

With Reagan there were probably 20 people in our room. There were several nurses, several resident doctors, several nurses for the baby, housekeeping was in there. I remember thinking "wow...is this necessary?" I honestly didn't care, but I could see how some women would be totally caught off guard. This time though there was only my nurse, the resident doctor, the main doctor, and a nurse for the baby.

I pushed for longer this time than I did with Reagan. I probably pushed for about a half hour, but I mainly think that is because I could feel everything, and I wasn't pushing to the best of my ability, because...umm....it hurt! There is definitely no comparison to having an epidural that works...to not having one. I could feel everything...his head moving down...tearing...them stitching me up. I remember after his head came out thinking "yes! that's over!" But it still took 2 or 3 strong contractions and pushes to get his shoulders and the rest of him out. It was so weird this time being able to tell and feel exactly what was going on. Aside from the terrible pain, I actually kind of enjoyed being able to tell exactly what was going on with my body.

Is it weird that I have already forgotten the pain? As I'm typing this out I am thinking..."no, the pain wasn't that bad. I really don't remember it hurting that bad." But I remember being in the heat of the moment and thinking there was no way I could do it. I guess that is how we get suckered into having more babies ;)

I remember them asking me ahead of time if I wanted to do skin to skin afterward and I told them yes. I had done the same thing with Reagan, but this time after I had him, they completely left us alone for almost an hour. It was so weird. I did skin to skin with Reagan, but after a few minutes they took him to take his stats and see how he was doing. This time around they stitched me up and cleaned up and then everyone vanished for almost an hour. The nurse came back a few times to check on us, but for the most part we were all alone. That was kind of a sweet moment...just spending the time as the 3 of us and getting to know him.

After that they wanted him to nurse right away. After he finished nursing then they finally took him to take his measurements and check out everything on how he was doing. Maybe it was because it was our second time around, but I really enjoyed that time right after having him. That fresh baby scent and just snuggling with him.

By far the worst part this time around is this awful debilitating spinal headache. It is no joke. They wrote me a few prescriptions and instructed me to have a lot of caffeine, but the only thing that really worked to take it away was to lay flat on my back. Thankful for my family and husband, because it is really hard to care for my family when I have to lay down. It really makes me second guess even attempting to get an epidural again. Especially since I now know what the pain is like without it...and that I can do it!

So far the transition has been a breeze! Calvin is such a sweet sweet baby. And so easy! He tends to have an awake time from 2am-5am, but so far it has been bearable. I remember feeling so overwhelmed when we brought Reagan home, and I don't feel that way at all this time around. My headache is just now starting to subside at 6 days postpartum, but aside from that, I feel amazing! I totally do not feel like I just had a baby at all! Matt goes back to work tomorrow, so that will be another huge transition I am sure, but right now we are just having so much fun!

I can't believe I have two babies!

Baby E 2 - 32 weeks

How far along: 

32 weeks! So much for keeping up on doing a post every 3 weeks...

Total weight gain:

I am up about 15 pounds from pre-pregnancy.

Size and growth of the baby: 

About the size of a large jicama. 

Seriously...what is that? 

According to babycenter he would be about 3 and 3/4 pounds and 16 inches long, but I think he is bigger than that. 

I have also been consistently measuring bigger and bigger. Two appointments ago baby was measuring a few days ahead. My last appointment he was measuring about a week ahead...and my appointment a few days ago he was measuring about a week and a half ahead!

Sex:

BOY!

Maternity clothes: 

Um. Have you seen me? ;)

Sleep:

Terrible. I don't know if it is because I am in the later stages of pregnancy or if it is because we are living in a foreign place, but I wake up numerous times during the night.

Best moment(s) of the week: 

There was one night last week where we all went to bed early. There were very minimal tears from Reagan...and we ALL slept ALL night long! The first (and only) time that has happened since we moved here.

Movement: 

This baby is SO active! I remember thinking Reagan was active, but there is no comparison to this baby. He is constantly (and painfully) moving almost all the time. I love to feel his little elbows, and hands, and knees that are constantly poking around right around my bellybutton though...I always think that is so neat!

Food cravings/aversions:

I haven't really been craving anything or had anything that sounds terrible.

My ice crunching has come back though. I remember wanting to chew on ice all the time with Reagan too.

Morning sickness:

Its been good lately.

Symptoms: 

Mainly just pain everywhere possible.

I don't remember being this uncomfortable with Reagan...especially not this early. It has been really wearing on me.

Labor signs :

A lot of contractions.

I went apple picking about a week ago...and had to do a lot of walking and carrying Reagan...and once I got home I had nonstop contractions pretty consistently about 5 minutes apart for several hours later....even into the evening. They weren't overly painful, just enough to be annoying...and I went to bed and woke up a few hours later to pee...and I was still having them consistently about 5 minutes apart. Of course, then I couldn't fall asleep because I was freaking myself out that I had put myself into labor really early.

Belly button in or out:

Out! And so painful.

What I miss:

My home. 

I miss the security of it...and the space. I miss feeling like we have a home.

Reagan doesn't seem happy here...and hasn't seemed to settle in yet and it breaks my heart that he doesn't understand and has to go through this.

What I'm looking forward to: 

I don't know. I am really looking forward to getting a house, but numerous people are shooting down my hopes that that will happen before the baby comes. 

I want to say I am looking forward to the baby coming...but I feel SO unprepared.

As much as I am going to miss our house in Cedar, I am looking forward to the buyers closing date...so that is one thing that will be behind us that we don't need to worry about. That...and the nice check that we will get ;)

Baby E 2 - 28 weeks

If you think I look extremely tired and make-up-less...its because I am. Maybe next picture will be better. Maybe.

How far along: 

28 weeks! 3rd trimester already! I guess as much as I need things to slow down this time around that won't be happening...the countdown begins.

Total weight gain:

I was just doing my preview and realized I didn't answer this question...and the thought about walking downstairs to weigh myself and then back up here to finish this post crossed my mind...but my body said "nope!" I think I have gained 3 or 4 pounds since last time though.

Size and growth of the baby: 

About the size of a large eggplant. 2 and 1/4 pounds and between 14 and 15 inches long!
I think he is bigger than that though...he just seems really big to me.

Sex:

BOY!

Maternity clothes: 

Yes. Give me all things comfy.

Sleep:

Pretty good. I think due to the chaos and just sheer exhaustion.

Best moment(s) of the week: 

So many showings! Our house has been on the market less than a week and I think we have had 8 now. Matt was pretty concerned with if it would sell or not, but our realtors are feeling pretty confident with the amount of action we are getting. So hopefully that means we will hear something next week!

We also went house shopping up north for the first time yesterday. There aren't a whole lot of options up there, which has had me so discouraged lately...but it was nice to actually get into a few houses and look around and talk with our agent more.

Movement: 

Yes, definite movement :)
He is seeming to be just as active as his older brother was.

Food cravings/aversions:

I think I have been stress eating.
Give me all the junk food!
And also apples.

Morning sickness:

Its been good lately.

Symptoms: 

Finally off my darn heart monitor!
My hips have started hurting lately. I really feel like this baby is big.
And pelvic pain has started already! I think because he feels so big and heavy...but it already feels like my pelvis is being torn in two. All I can think is...don't let this baby come yet! Our life is chaos right now and he needs to cook as long as possible!

Labor signs :

A lot of contractions.

Belly button in or out:

Out! I had forgotten the bellybutton pain that came along with it from when I had Reagan, but it is back. I feel so dumb when I say "ugh...my bellybutton hurts!" Any other commiserating mamas?

What I miss:

My home. Is it possible to do that already?
I NEVER imagined being torn when an opportunity came to move up north, but there are so many unknowns and things are happening so fast and it is ridiculous the amount of times I have cried. I keep telling people as long as I don't think about it I am fine. If I have a task like "clean this room, or pack these boxes" I am fine, but if I think about WHY I am doing that then I lose it.
We have spent so much time and energy making this house or home...and I love it so much. This is where we brought Reagan home and where he rolled over for the first time and learned to walk. This is where I had imagined bringing the next baby home. I am just really going to miss this house.

What I'm looking forward to: 

I am looking forward to my next appt. I feel like there are so many things I need to go over with my doctor...including if I should try to get a new doctor up north or keep him through the end of the pregnancy. I feel like I need his opinion!

I'm looking forward to looking at more houses next week. Praying that more come on the market in the next few days!

If you want to follow this pregnancy I will link up below.
12 weeks
15 weeks
18 weeks
21 weeks
25 weeks

Dear Reagan: 18 months

As promised: Reagan's 18 month update.

I mainly write these updates for myself. It is easier to upload a few pictures and type things out fresh in my mind than it is to get around to scrapbooking. So then when I do finally get around to scrapbooking, I have quick easy access to what photos were in that age range...and what exactly was going on. But, I know a few people like reading them too...so...read on!

Dear Reagan : 18 months.

You are a ball of energy.
You love to run and you recently learned to JUMP!

You weigh just barely 25 pounds and I am not sure how tall you are, but you are pretty tall.
You are wearing almost all 18 month clothes.
You have a mouthful of teeth! People always ask how old you are when we are out and about and when I say "he just turned 1 and a half" they almost always comment on how many teeth you have. So weird.
You are down to 1 nap a day, which typically ranges between 1 and half to 3 hours long.

You are definitely a talker. To anyone and everyone.
You can say SO MANY words. Daddy, mama, grandpa, papa, Jordan, thank-you, (you're) welcome, ball, basketball, vroom vroom, Kya kitty, apple, yum yum, cookie, cracker, juice, puppy, bird, bubbles, one, and two are just a few off the top of my head.

You have a serious love for vehicles. Cars, trucks, vans, tractors, trains. You LOVE them!

You also tend to be a little OCD.
You are always lining things up perfectly, or stacking things perfectly...and you do not like when things are out of place.

You love to be outside. You love rocks and dirt and sticks.
You also love your daddy.

You love to be a helper. Some chores that I give you are: take dirty dishes to the kitchen, help pick up toys, throw certain things away, and put dirty clothes in the laundry basket.

Your dad is jumping on board thinking you will be left-handed. You have definitely always favored it and still do. I guess only time will tell.

You are so good at nap time and bedtime.
All we have to do is tell you its time for nap or bed and you grab a few toys and walk right into your room and wait at the crib. It is so sweet!

I feel like I am always cutting your hair. If we wait too long the tuft gets out of control.
Speaking of which...we will probably cut it again tonight.

You really do have a sweet personality, it is rare when we have to discipline you. On the occasional meltdown (usually due to being overly tired or not feeling well or hungry) you can be crazzzzzy strong-willed though.

You favorite show is Umizoomi. It is the only show you get excited about and you will actually sit through a whole episode.

You have some problems sharing, but whenever we spend time in the nursery or with your cousins we get to practice that. I have a feeling 3 months from now and a little brother will cure that problem.

You don't like to cuddle and HATE to be restrained.
But you also do not like playing by yourself and always have to be RIGHT NEXT to me. I am constantly tripping over you.

I am interested to see how you will handle being a big brother. I keep telling people that I honestly think you will just ignore him at first.

Nope...thats not a tacky cell phone.
It's my obnoxiously annoying heart monitor. 2 days down...12 to go.

To the boy who made me a mama.
I love you!
I love watching you learn and grow...and I love to see your personality develop.
You are so much fun!
I look forward to these next few months as you meet your brother and your life is turned completely upside down. I just know you two will be best buds...and I am anxious to see that friendship grow.

Baby E 2 - 25 weeks

Matt said something funny...and inappropriate. So obviously I was obnoxiously cracking up.

How far along: 

25 weeks and a few days! How many of you noticed I totally skipped over 24 weeks? I have been trying to do updates every 3 weeks, but...woops.

Total weight gain:

I have gained about 8 pounds since last time! My goodness! My body finally decided to start making up for losing a bunch and a slow start. So that puts me at about 5 gained total.

Size and growth of the baby: 

About the size of a rutabaga! A little over a foot long and 1 and a half pounds!

Sex:

BOY!

Maternity clothes: 

Yes. Give me all things comfy.

Sleep:

We have been sleeping in our guest bed, and I have been sleeping ok, but that bed is so much more firm than ours and my pregnant body is starting to notice. My back and neck have been hurting for several days. We finally made the transition to our new room last night...and it was heavenly. So comfy!

Best moment(s) of the week: 

Our room is finished! It feels so good to make some progression in the chaos.
Up next: new nursery!

Movement: 

Yes, definite movement :)
I have a hard time figuring out how he is positioned, because he literally moves all over my entire stomach.
He had the hiccups for the first time (or at least the first time I could feel them) the other day :)

Food cravings/aversions:

My appetite has been pretty good, which has been nice!
Also...Matt found this new candy apple flavored pop. YUM!
Jena - you need to try it! It tastes very similar to Mexico Manzana!

Morning sickness:

Just depends on what I eat, but its pretty much fine.

Symptoms: 

My doctor  is still concerned about the heart palpitations, so he referred me to a cardiologist. They took some blood and ran a lot of tests. I have to wear a heart monitor for 2 weeks :(
Other than that I have been having normal aches and pains. My back is starting to feel the effects of pregnancy.

Labor signs :

A lot of contractions...also concerning to my doctor, but he thinks it might be related to what is also causing my heart to race.

Belly button in or out:

I can't believe it, but that sucker is OUT already!

What I miss:

I have felt really good the last few weeks. I am so thankful!
I miss being able to roll over in bed...or do anything with my ab muscles.
I am at the point in pregnancy now where your abs are pretty much useless and you have to use your arms to assist in any movement.
I'm also at the point where putting on socks and shoes is getting hard. Ugh!

What I'm looking forward to: 

I know its a way off still, but I am looking forward to our next ultrasound.
I almost asked the tech who was taking an ultrasound of my heart if I could get a peek at the baby...but decided not to.
Also looking forward to this fall weather and fun fall activities!

If you want to follow this pregnancy I will link up below.
12 weeks
15 weeks
18 weeks
21 weeks

Master Bedroom Renovation

I don't typically post home project posts.
I mainly just write about babies and motherhood and stuff, but we LOVE a good project.
And it seems like we are always doing something.
Most of you know we are doing a lot of room changes and renovations right now to finish up before the new baby comes.

Our large old master is becoming the new guest room/playroom.
The empty room downstairs is going to be converted into the new nursery.
The unfinished room downstairs is becoming our new master.

So the first of 3 room renovations is DONE!
Our new Master Bedroom is totally finished!
I am quite pleased with the progress :)

Before I get too far into it...let me remind you what this room looked like.
The previous owners tried to finish it...but...yuck.

We gutted it, and then my dad helped Matt frame in the closet.
Thanks daddy!

Then Matt drywalled and mudded (?) the closet.
Sanded it down.

The only closet in this room before Matt and my dad built one was like 1 foot, by 1 foot.
I have no idea what their intention of it was for, but we decided to make it useful space, so Matt drywalled and finished that up as well.
Then we decided to texture the ceiling...
The people who tried to finish this room before we bought the house didn't do such a good job and you could see a lot of lines and cracks and we didn't think it would look good just painting it flat.
We had no idea what we were doing, but we did a lot of research and we figured it out quickly.
Honestly I think it turned out great! It looks just like the rest of the house.
SO MESSY THOUGH!

Then we started painting.
I really wanted to go with a very very faint purple, but Matt said that was an absolute no-go.
So we compromised on a faint yellow.
We both love it.

Matt built the window frame.
I might be biased, but I think it is the best frame in the house.

Then we got new carpet installed.
Yay!
And then we added the new trim.
And got a new light fixture.
It is amazing what a few upgrades will do to a room!

We were planning to make a new tufted headboard.
There are so many tutorials, and it didn't look so hard, but we are pressed for time before the baby comes. And we still have 2 rooms to finish, so we just decided to buy one. And we really love it.
Reagan approves as well :)

I read a blog somewhere awhile ago that said your bedroom is a reflection on your marriage. Precisely 1 minute after reading that blog I walked into our bedroom and "...." embarrassing.
I kind of took it to heart that our bedroom does always get neglected.
It isn't a room anyone really sees, so if people come over we just tend to close the door.
In this season of babies and chaos, there is a whole lot of mess.
And as most parents know...you can't control it all.
I do my best to stay on top of the laundry and dishes and keeping things picked up.
But in reality by the time I get one room cleaned, Reagan could have completely destroyed another.
It is an impossible game of catch-up.
And while I may feel defeated most of the time in the rest of my house I needed a space that I HAD control over.
A space that was always clean and organized and that made me feel at peace and cozy....not stressed and overwhelmed.
The same for Matt as well.
So I made it my mission to make our new master such a space.

We tried to keep things on a very low budget...and by doing most of the projects ourselves and buying everything else via thrift stores...we did just that!

We were a little concerned with space in this new room, because it is so much smaller than our old room.
We decided to make the closet just for hanging clothes and made two racks.
One for my hubby and one for me.

We also built shelves in the tiny useless closet before, and bought baskets to store things in...which turned out perfect.
Matt was not impressed that I wanted a mirror AND my armoire in that corner, but he obliged...and it makes me happy.
I have had that mirror for about 2 years and this is the first time it is hung up!

And then we also had enough space for a dresser, so we actually ended up having more storage space than our old room...which I am not complaining about!
Eventually there will be a vase for fresh flowers next to that frame...and I love that thing on the dresser that we can leave each other love notes on :)

Our bed before was so big that neither of us ever had nightstands, so we are both SO excited to each have one!
Matt's only request was that he have a cool clock on his and that it not be cluttered.
:) Love him!

I am still planning on hanging a painting and buying some more pillows in fun accent colors, but for now it is done and we love it!

Now if only I could gain the courage to sleep in it and be on a different level than Reagan...

"With this baby..."

I haven't been very good at blogging lately.
I guess exhaustion from a pregnancy and chasing around a 1 year old and redoing a whole lot of house limits my time to sit down and jaunt my thoughts loud and clear.
But no fear! I am back! With a new computer and an organized house and ready to conquer the bloggers world.
Or at least the 100 or so people the typically read my blog ;)
Be on the lookout though. I am going to do an 18 month update on Reagan soon. He is a completely different baby from his 12 month update, so I figured why not add some more milestones and keep them fresh on my mind for whenever I get around to finishing up his scrapbook.

So without further ado: a blog post!

I catch myself saying "with this baby we will..." a lot lately.
We will do "this" better.
or be more strict on "this."
or be more lenient on "this."

While I know things will be different the second time around, and while I may be more prepared; I also know that most of my "plans" will be thrown out the window.

I know I say I won't snuggle him so much so he doesn't get so used to being held.
But in reality I know that they grow SO QUICKLY, and I will snuggle away as much as I can.

I know I say I will be more strict about sleeping schedules.
But in reality we did pretty well with Reagan. He has been sleeping through the night since two weeks old.
And as strict or lenient as we are I know that it doesn't really matter how good of a sleeper they are, because I now know that they will regress when they are teething, and when they are having a growth spurt, and when they are sick.
But no fear, because I also know that when that time passes they will go back to their old schedule.

I know I can give him formula, even when people say not to, and he will be just fine.
My milk won't go away...and I will probably be able to nurse for an entire year again.

With this baby I won't be as scared...I am a veteran mom now.
But in reality I know I will be in pain, and my hormones will be all over the place, and I will probably call my mom the minute we get home from the hospital and feel like crying and overwhelmed and say "help."

If you would have asked me two years ago, I would have assuredly told you I was ready for Reagan.
Umm...I think we can all agree that no one is reallly prepared for children. Amen?

My brain is now FILLED with what most people would view as useless information. Like which diapers make Reagan break-out or what soap is the most natural.
I can tell a tired cry from a whiny cry from a sick cry from an in pain cry.
I have tried cloth diapers, making my own wipes, making my own baby food,
I know about so many things that 2 years ago I had NO clue about.

Things like putting your kid under a fan - try it...it fascinates them.
Or take them out. It is most moms worst nightmare to take a fussy baby out, but if Reagan was ever fussy and we went out...he was almost immediately calm.
Did you know that their toenails hardly grow? Or maybe that is just my kid, but I have clipped Reagan's toenails exactly twice. On the contrary I am clipping his fingernails weekly.

Yes, with this baby things will be different.
I might be more prepared.
I might understand the day to day life a little more than I did before.
But I also know that things will not always ever go as planned - and that is ok.

So while I say I am going to keep this baby with me in the hospital room our whole hospital stay; reality is that giving birth is hard work...and I might just need to sleep a little bit before we are sent home. I can send the baby to the nursery...that is why its there! And he will be just fine.

Newborn photo cred: Ashley Clark

Goals for Fall

This picture doesn't have anything to do with my goals for fall, I just can't have a blogpost without a picture. My sister snapped it last weekend and it is probably one of my new favorites.

I like lists.
I like stuff written down and organized.
I like plans and structure.
And I am terrible at getting anything done if it isn't that.

I remember telling a friend once that Matt writes out lists for me to do during the day.
Things to get done, projects to work on, food to make.
That person got really upset and said they would flip out if their husband was telling them what to do all the time.
On the contrary, I asked him to.
I don't know if it is like an ADHD or I just can't focus or what...but to have to think of things to do on my own and actually do them results in little getting done.
So it just works better that way.

I have gotten better at writing out my own lists and things to do, but with this upcoming season I am slightly overwhelmed.
Remember that ADHD thing where I can't focus and get stuff done? Well it is two-fold when there is a lot to get done. Which is totally a disaster, because then I do even less. Resulting in not a whole lot of my to-do lists getting accomplished.

Now that we have kids, I want them to experience fun things.
Someone asked me once why I document so much of the little stuff.
I document the little stuff, because it matters.
We may not be going on cross-cultural trips, or hiking up mountains.
I don't spend my days creating the latest cure for a disease or the next great piece of technology.
But I am teaching my child to walk, and talk. I am seeing them experience a bug for the first time, or trying to understand what a thunderstorm is.
My life is very mundane, and I think that is why many stay-at-home mom's struggle with finding contentment and joy.

So you have to think like a kid again and find the joy in the small things.
Find the joy in the excitement of your children's eyes when they see a waterfall for the first time, or a BIG ANIMAL at the zoo, or a skyscraper!
Some of my greatest memories growing up were the simplest things:

yearly trips to the orchard, countless sleepovers and nights out with my cousins, going to Grand Haven for Christmas, cleaning up the yard in the spring, going to pumpkin patches, hunting with my dad...

Yes, we occasionally took a big trip, and those were fun memories as well, but I love the traditions.
The small trips or get-together's repeated year after year.

While the introvert in me wants to curl up with my little family in my own home and watch a movie, the mother in me wants to get out and have my kids experience life.

I usually just write on paper and keep it to myself, but to help me stay accountable...and just for fun, I decided to make our "goals for fall" a blog post!

GOALS
-Finish our bedroom
-Convert our old room into guest room/playroom
-Take Reagan to an Apple Orchard - and pick and eat as many as possible!
-Finish new nursery.
-Take Reagan to the zoo.
-Eat as much homemade donuts and cider as possible ;)
-Go on a babymoon vacation - we are still undecided where and whether or not we are bringing Reagan with us. If you have any ideas, let me know!
-Matt to get a deer!
-Bake a fresh homemade pumpkin pie. I HATE pumpkin pie, but it is the ONLY pie that Matt likes, so because I love him...I will make one. Who knows...maybe Reagan will love it too!
-Take Reagan to a pumpkin patch and carve pumpkins.
-Go on a color drive tour and hike.
-Attend as many Thanksgiving and Christmas parties as we can while I am largely uncomfortable.
-Last, but certainly not least, HAVE A BABY!

My list at home looks much more intimidating writing out EVERY.LITTLE.DETAIL of things we still need to make or buy for the rooms. There are a lot of projects to be finished in the next few months, but we are looking forward to having some fun too and enjoying our favorite season!

Baby E 2 - 21 weeks

Don't mind my hair. I was going for the get-this-hair-off-me-I-am-so-hot look.

How far along: 

21 weeks! Over half done already!

Total weight gain:

I have gained about 6-7 pounds in the past two weeks! So that leaves me only down about 5 pounds from pre-pregnancy weight!

Size and growth of the baby: 

About the size of a large carrot. 3/4 of a pound and 10 and 1/2 inches long!

 

Sex:

BOY! Totally surprised us all!

Maternity clothes: 

Yup. Large and in charge :)

Just kidding. I am just all about comfort though.

 

Sleep:

Pretty good. Still tired like alllll the time.

Best moment(s) of the week: 

Our ultrasound! It never gets old to get a peek into a miracle being formed. The 3D ultrasounds totally creep me out, but they are so amazing!

Also our new room is almost done! Ahh! Carpet gets put in tomorrow and then we can start buying new stuff and organizing and decorating :)

Movement: 

Yes, definite movement :) :)

I can't tell if he is less active than Reagan or if it is because how he is positioned. Reagan was head down and face up, so I was constantly feeling his arms and legs moving, but this guy is head down, but face backwards (posterior?) I don't know the medical term, but he is facing my back...so I think most of his kicks and punches go toward my back and I don't feel them.

Food cravings/aversions:

Still nothing sounds very good. I always have a bad taste in my mouth....ugh.

Morning sickness:

Pretty much over. I still just have nausea with different food or tastes. I am really sensitive to how stuff tastes when I am pregnant.

Symptoms: 

I started having heart palpitations, which totally freaks me out...but my doctor checked me out and I'm fine. I have also had some definite contractions already. Crazy! I am hot ALL.THE.TIME! It's ridiculous.

Labor signs :

A few contractions, but other than that nothing. My doctor said I am right on track for delivery in December.

Belly button in or out:

It is almost out already! It is crazy the differences between my first pregnancy and this one.

What I miss:

Feeling good. If it isn't nausea...its headaches...or cramps...or overwhelming fatigue. This pregnancy has been much more trying. I was really sick with Reagan, but that was it. This pregnancy has been so much more wearing on me.

What I'm looking forward to: 

Finishing up our new room and starting the new nursery! :)

If you want to follow this pregnancy I will link up below.
Baby E 2 - 12 weeks
Baby E 2 - 15 weeks
Baby E 2 - 18 weeks

18 weeks - Baby E 2

 

How far along: 

18 weeks and a few days! I can't believe how quickly it is flying by!

Total weight gain:

I am still stuck at about 13 or 14 pounds lost. I stopped losing weight though and have stayed about the same the past few weeks, probably will start gaining very soon.

Size and growth of the baby: 

About the size of a bell pepper! 5 and a half inches long and about 7 ounces :)

 

Sex:

Not sure yet, but almost everyone is still thinking girl. I guess we will see!
Looking forward to the ultrasound in two weeks!

Maternity clothes: 

Some things I am, some things I'm not. Still don't feel very big. My doctor even commented on how well my stomach muscles are holding baby in for my second child, especially one so close after my first! 

 

Sleep:

Good. I am tired all the time. Sleep sleep sleep.

Best moment(s) of the week: 

Making progress on our new bedroom! We love working on projects and changing things up...and I am so excited for what our new room will look like when it is done. And then we can start working on the nursery and making a playroom upstairs :) so much to do before the new baby comes!

Movement: 

Yes, definite movement :) :)

Food cravings/aversions:

Same same. I have oddly been craving salads this time around. Yum!

Morning sickness:

Much better. My hormones must switch around 17-18 weeks, because this was about the same time I started feeling a little better with Reagan too.

Symptoms: 

Movement and crampy off and on. Won't be able to sleep on my belly much longer because I feel like I am squishing the baby. I am not a belly sleeper normally anyway, but why all the sudden now that I am not allowed to does it suddenly sound so comfy?!

Labor signs: 

Nope.

Belly button in or out:

In.

What I miss:

I am starting to get nostalgic about Reagan not being the only child much longer. I know he will LOVE having a sibling, but I am going to miss it just being him. I don't know. I guess I feel a little sad with how drastic his world is going to change in a few months, and how I won't always be there when he needs me or wants my attention. At the same time I am so so so looking forward to him and the baby interacting together :)

What I'm looking forward to: 

Our ultrasound! Very soon and we can know the gender! 

If you want to follow this pregnancy I will link up below.
12 weeks with Baby E 2

15 weeks with Baby E 2

When your heart just hurts.

I have always thought death and heartache seem to come in waves.

These past few weeks it just seems like there has been one thing after another, and my heart just feels so heavy.

A young beautiful woman who was engaged to one of Matt's good friends. We were planning to go to their wedding next week.

A young energetic guy who was one of my cousins best friends.

Word of a couple really struggling in their marriage after losing a young child a short time ago.

A classmate of my sisters in critical condition from an accident.

This all just sounds like typical everyday stuff to most people.

But when it strikes over and over again in a small community it shakes us to our core.

That is the thing about small towns; when tragedy does strike...it really does have an effect on everyone.

As a small town family, we are hurting right now.

We are hurting for their families, we are hurting for their friends, we are hurting because we too in some way were affected and knew them.

Right now we don't understand, and we are going through all different stages of grief at all different times.

But one thing I do know, is we will eventually move on.

It may take weeks or months, but our lives will go back to normal.

We will still miss them, and we will probably think of them off and on, but our lives will more or less return to our same, typical, everyday life.

But for their families, the people they were closest to...their lives will never be the same.

They will always have that void in their life.

Holidays, and birthdays, big monumental life events...that person is no longer there with them.

So it is in that time that we need to remember to surroud them with love.

They will be overwhelmed with people coming by right now, offering sweet words, or just listening and crying with them. 

They will have people bringing flowers and cards and food a lot over the next few weeks and months. 

But remember to support them years from now.

Send them a card or give them a hug when you run into them.

Let them know that their loved one has not been forgotten - that their hearts haven't been forgotten.

I feel like I am pretty well-versed in death.

I feel like I have experienced it to quite some degree for someone of my age.

I feel like I know how to help others cope.

To know what to say or when to listen.

But if I am being honest...I am so scared of death.

I can't say that if I was to experience death so close to home like I did when I was younger that I would handle it with such grace as I handle dealing with the loss of acquaintances of other people I knew.

Actually, I am fairly certain that I wouldn't.

When I hear of all these tragedies and so much pain, I can't help but think that our world is still so flawed.
The Lord is coming one day to make all things new, but right now we will never experience heaven on earth.
There will always be pain and heartache.
One day our tears will be wiped away and we will be free from this world.
What is that quote from that song? "because the pain that you are feeling, can't compare to the joy that's coming!"
And while that may fall on deaf ears and hurting hearts right now...we never know what God has in store, but I do know that we can't fathom how great the outcome will be!

I read earlier today something that said "don't pray for someone, when you can pray WITH someone." and I thought that was pretty clever.

While praying for people during this time is important, I think just coming around them and bringing them before the Most High when they are in such a vulnerable state could do a world of measure. Just being there with them and allowing them to feel whatever they are feeling and letting them know that it is ok. And sometimes...maybe you just need to cry with them.

Eddies obituary and an "in memory of Eddie" event keep popping up in my newsfeed.
Hundreds of people (literally) keep popping up and writing on Kassandra's wall.
I keep seeing people writing updates to how Kyle is doing.
All 3 of them are such special people. So energetic and so loved.
We will never be able to hide from it or push it aside and try to forget about it what happened - what is happening. 
So surround yourselves with people you love.
People to encourage you.
People to pray for you.
And know that it is ok to feel whatever you are feeling.
If you just want to cry..that is ok.
Or maybe you just feel numb...like...is this really happening?
If you are angry and screaming out...that's ok too. God can handle it.
Just don't try to do it alone.

           "For where two or three gather in my name, there I am with them." - Matthew 18:20

I mean...what a better place to be than in the comfort of the Prince of Peace himself?

15 weeks - Baby E 2

 

How far along: 

15 weeks and a few days!

Total weight gain:

I lost a few more pounds since last time. I got really sick and dehydrated last week, so I am probably around 13 or 14 lost total. Gotta start gaining soon!

Size and growth of the baby: 

About the size of an apple! 4 inches long and about 2 and a half ounces. Little peanut :)

Sex:

Not sure yet, but almost everyone is still thinking girl. I guess we will see!

Maternity clothes: 

Pants - not shirts. Still don't feel very big.

Sleep:

Good. And with all this time up north Reagan is completely wore out. He slept 13 hours the other night! Matt and I woke up about 9:30 and were so confused as to what time it was...and when we realized it was so late we immediately ran to check on Reagan. He was fine :) snoozing away.

Best moment(s) of the week:

This has been a long week. 4th of July was fun spending time with family though. Reagan loved the fireworks!

Movement: 

I feel like the past week or so that I have started feeling little flutters. Seems really early, but it feels like exactly what I remember those first few times with Reagan felt like.

Food cravings/aversions:

Nothing really sounds good still.

Morning sickness:

It came back with a vengeance this week when I got a really nasty cold and ended up in the hospital.

Symptoms: 

Not much unusual. Feeling crampy off and on.

Labor signs: 

Nope.

Belly button in or out:

In. Although it is definitely a completely different bellybutton since my pregnancy with Reagan.

What I miss:

Food. This happened with Reagan too. My taste buds just change so drastically and nothing ever sounds good or tastes good. I miss just feeling really really good.

What I'm looking forward to: 

This weekend! I always look forward to time with my little family :)


If you want to follow this pregnancy I will link up below.
12 weeks - Baby E 2 

Happy Birthday, Erin!

My little sister turns 18 today, so in honor of her birthday and her having just graduated, I figured I would write a nice lovely post about her.

I don't remember you being born, but based on pictures, you were a little big chunk of love. Emphasis on the chunk :)

Then around the ages of 2-4 you turned into the CUTEST little child ever. Seriously, THE. CUTEST!

I don't really remember you annoying me much, but I am sure you did over the next few years, because I was smack dab in the middle of the pre-teen/teen/hormone drama years. I wonder if you remember the woes of listening to me cry while yelling "my ponytail is crooked!"

I remember thinking how cute it was when you were the ONLY girl ever invited to boys birthday parties and making fun of you when boys tried to kiss you. See...I wasn't the only one who thought you were the cutest little girl ever :)

And then...the awkward years.

We made fun of your hard, different, cardboard? hair.

The few years where you were a little more chubby.

And somewhere right around that time we doubled our family size and added 4 little kiddos, and you suddenly became a big sister.

You might be the one who gets the most frustrated with them from time to time, but you were also the one who grew up with them. I remember watching you guys together many times over the years and thinking "wow...they act just like siblings." How you fight, how you play, just how you interact together. Your relationship is different with them than mine is, because I was already moved out of the house at the time they came.

It has been so fun watching you grow into a big sister role. You really weren't made to be a baby anyway...you need someone to boss around ;)

And then somewhere in those high school years you grew into the most beautiful woman.

You are so different than me. So bubbly and outgoing. Everyone's friend. You got long skinny legs instead of short, stocky Holmes legs. And somehow you got skin about 8 shades darker than me.

Totally a little bit jealous about the legs and the tan.

You are about 99% exactly like our dad, but then you are also a lot of times the most sensitive.

I am fairly sure everyone has seen you cry a time or two.

Or laughed at the wonderful climatic point in your story telling :)

It literally seems like just yesterday you were in elementary.

And now in the blink of an eye you are off to college.

Up until this point I have never gotten emotional at graduations. Not my own, not Jena's, or my husbands, but for some reason at yours, I was. I don't know if I have just grown up a lot this past year or what. I guess having a baby will do that to you. But I just remember looking at all those kids. Those little babies. Kids I used to babysit (yes...that made me feel really old) and all I could think was "they are way too young." And now they are all being shipped off different directions into the big bad world and it is scary.

You have to make financial decisions on your own, and make new friends, and go shopping on your own, and learn how to navigate college courses and homework and a job...and you just have SO MUCH to learn! And I guess it just made me a little sad to think of them all leaving the comfort and  safety of home and heading out on their own.

But on the plus side, it is so much fun! You get to study and learn more about what you love! You get to start living your life the way you choose to. Making your own decisions. You can even choose to do your dishes backwards like you all make fun of me for doing all the time...because you are growing up and you get to choose to do that. Maybe you will make new friends...and maybe they will be lifelong friends. And with how friendly and outgoing you are I am sure that is a possibility.

So I look forward to watching you over the next few months as you adjust to this new season of life.

I am sure a lot of tears will be shed, but I am sure you will have a lot of fun too.

I am sure you will make a lot of mistakes, just learn from them and grow and move on.

I am sure you will get lonely...and sad. But your family isn't too far away. Ask mama how many trips she made ALLLLLL the way down to Spring Arbor, because I was lonely and scared and couldn't do it. And just think how much closer you are than I was :)

And just think how close Matt and I are. Just a hop and a skip away. You are always welcome to stay with us if you want a little familiar interaction. Plus...I am counting on you so we can get a few date nights out ;)

So if you actually made it all the way through all that...because I know how much you love overly wordy things....just like me ;) I just want to say...

Happy Happy Birthday, Erin! I love you!

12 weeks - Baby E 2!

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How far along: 

12 weeks and a few days!

Total weight gain:

I lost about 10 pounds this time around and I am still staying about right there. Probably will start gaining some soon!

Size and growth of the baby: 

About the size of a lime! 2 inches long and about half an ounce. Little peanut :)

Sex:

Not sure yet, but almost everyone is thinking girl. I guess we will see!

Maternity clothes: 

I just recently started wearing maternity pants. I am still not very big, but definitely showing MUCH sooner than last time. And lets be honest...they are comfy! I'm wearing normal shirts still though. I find myself wearing a lot of dresses.

Sleep:

Last week I kept waking up off and on, but this week has been much better. Reagan typically sleeps 9pm-8am, so that has been wonderful! I have also been having a lot of crazy dreams lately!

Best moment(s) of the week:

I have been feeling really well! I didn't have very much nausea to begin with, but the last few days I have started feeling much more "normal." I have also thoroughly been enjoying Matt's 3 day weekends. It is SO nice to lay down on Sunday night and think "yes...one more day together!" :)

Movement: 

Nothing yet.

Food cravings/aversions:

Not much sounds good still. I am pretty sure I have eaten my weight in taco salad the past two weeks. Like, it is seriously embarrassing, but I think I ruined it for myself by eating it too often, because it doesn't sound very good anymore. I eat a lot of fruit.

Morning sickness:

Hopefully almost gone!

Symptoms: 

I can definitely tell baby is growing! I started feeling the small hard bump a few days ago :) I have had some cramping off and on...nothing major though. Feeling pretty good!

Labor signs: 

Nope.

Belly button in or out:

In. Although it is definitely a completely different bellybutton since my pregnancy and labor with Reagan.

What I miss:

Time with my husband. Although that isn't really pregnancy related...just so ready for him to be done with school! I miss being able to eat whatever I want. Even after I had Reagan it took my body months to return to "normal" and for me to be able to eat a lot of food without gagging. I feel like I finally got to that point, and now I am right back there again. Not complaining, I just miss having food sound good and being able to eat more than a handful of things. However, I do think it will be different this time around. I already can eat much more than I did when I was pregnant with Reagan.

What I'm looking forward to: 

My appointment next week! I always look forward to those...and I haven't had one in almost 5 weeks!

It is going to be so much fun.

Life has just been so much fun lately.
Matt is so so close to being done with school and we are finally catching a glimpse of what life will be like.
And oh boy...I knew it was going to be good, but I CAN'T WAIT!

His classes during the week are done, so he gets to come home from work everyday at 5pm.
Even though he still has homework, it is lessening, especially now as he just finished up one of his classes...only 3 more to go!
It has been such a joy to spend each night out playing in the yard, or doing yard-work together, or going shopping, or just cleaning the house together.
It is so nice to have options.
And him taking those Monday's off was pretty much the best idea ever.
Monday's are my favorite day of the week now!

I feel like our life has been on hold for the last year or so.
So much of his time has been consumed by classes and doing homework...and so much of my time has been consumed by picking up all the slack and trying to do things by myself at home.
If I am being honest, it hasn't been fun.
It hasn't been fun at all.
The few times that we did set aside time to work on a project together or take a quick trip together it was always looming over us that this was cutting into his homework time and that trying to make up for time lost would be awful.

It hasn't been fun, and even though I am probably the worst person ever to look at the positive in any situation I can tell that all that time spent in misery doing schoolwork just makes this time so much more sweet though.
It is almost like I am seeing Matt again for the first time in a looooong time.
And hello...I mean...there was a reason I fell in love with him in the first place.
It is so nice to see him enjoying life again...doing stuff he loves.
Working on projects or in the yard, going out for ice cream, spending time with family...just doing nothing.
It is so nice to see him not feel stressed or overwhelmed all the time.

We still don't have a lot of time.
These last few classes of his are rough.
But it is lightyears better than it has been.
And even though we still haven't gone to bed at the same time since his spring break...and before that it was his Christmas break :(
(he typically does his homework in the evenings)

I have caught a glimpse of what life will be like.

There will be so much more freedom and the weight of school looming over us will be gone and it is going to be so so much fun!

How I cured my morning sickness (or at least I would like to think I did)

Morning sickness is the pits. 

Like...THE. WORST.

You find out you're pregnant and you are so excited and ecstatic for about 5 seconds and then your morning sickness kicks in and you feel like you want to die.

All day.

Every day.

For weeks.

I know there is that select group of individuals that is very positive about it, saying that they are thankful for being sick, thankful that it means the baby is growing and is healthy.

While I am thankful, I am not one of those people. 

I HATE being sick.

Being nauseous and throwing up....I hate it with an unrealistic passion.

I have been doing a lot of research lately on health.

We are trying to eat more natural, and be very conscience about what we are putting into our bodies.

So after my last pregnancy I really went to researching "natural" cures for morning sickness.

We always hear about:

ginger

lemon

peppermint

unisom and b6

the list goes on and on...

If you are anything like me though, you know that none of them really work.

Although I will say that I never tried any prescriptions or medicine offered by my doctor. 

I just never felt right about, that was a decision I made.

Who knows, maybe they would have helped.

I was very sick with my last pregnancy.

While I stopped throwing up by 18-19 weeks, I was still nauseous off and on until (and even after) delivery.

I knew that I had to do something so that my next pregnancy wasn't quite so miserable.

So I researched and researched and came across this post. 

And it made a lot of sense to me. 

So I looked more into boosting Magnesium stores in your body, and came across several other posts of women who had similar experiences. Here is another good one.

While I could try and explain how this helps with morning sickness symptoms solely on my limited knowledge - I will probably just confuse you more, so instead I will just link up to those posts that know exactly what they are talking about and explain it really well. 

I will admit I was a little skeptical at first.

I ordered myself some Magnesium Oil back in January and would use it spontaneously - and by spontaneously I mean like once or twice a week.

Then when I found out I was pregnant I stopped using it, because I didn't know if it was ""safe." Even though all the research I had done said that it was completely fine, even beneficial.

I talked to my doctor who OK'd it...and then I began using it on a much more regular basis.

Knowing what I know now, I should have been using it much more regularly PRIOR to getting pregnant, because once you are pregnant your body changes and the absorption of the Magnesium changes.

So let me fast forward to how this pregnancy has been different.

With Reagan I felt GREAT until about 8 weeks...and then I was sick pretty much the rest of the time.

This time around I started getting sick at 5 WEEKS!

To say I freaked out was an understatement. I was certain that this pregnancy was going to be lightyears worse than my last, because I started getting sick so much sooner.

So that is when I started rubbing the Magnesium Oil on my like it was my job.

I kept thinking that it was going to get worse. 

I had nausea off and on, but it never really peaked. 

I kept expecting it to get worse, or for me to be laying on the couch day after day feeling like death, but nothing really changed.

There were 2 or 3 days where I did feel really sick and threw up, but they were all on Monday's after a really long and busy weekend up north...and guess what? I had left my Magnesium Oil at home...so I had gone all weekend without it.

Hmm.

At first when my morning sickness wasn't going anywhere, just kind of had some nausea off and on, I was a little nervous. I kept thinking something was wrong, because I wasn't getting SO SICK like before. However, I definitely wasn't lacking pregnancy symptoms. I still have an awful gag reflex, nothing really sounds that good to me, strong odors I try to steer clear of...and I have been MUCH more tired this time around. So even though the nausea and vomiting seems to be "fixed" I still definitely feel pregnant.

Now I completely understand that every pregnancy is different...and maybe I just didn't get as sick this time around, but I honestly don't think so. You better believe that I will be using my Magnesium Oil regularly prior to a next pregnancy.

I don't claim to know much, but I honestly do believe this is working for me. 

If it is the "cure" that we have all been looking for, I wanted to be sure to share it with you!

Because morning sickness really is the pits...

This is the bottle that I use.

Magnesium Oil makes it sounds like an oil...which is odd to put an oil on your skin, but its not really an oil, but it does kind of have an odd "oily" texture. I just typically rub it on my legs after I shower. Although a lot of sources say that if you are sensitive that you may need to dilute or something, because it can have a burning sensation. I purposely bought a "sensitive" more diluted kind for that reason, and it worked great up until the time that I used it right after shaving my legs and OH.MY.OUCH! My legs were on fire! So I learned not to do that again. I know you can take it in pill form as well, but your body absorbs it better by topically being rubbed and absorbed through your skin, so that is the route that I chose to go.

I still have some nausea off and on. Actually the last two days I have been more "sick." But I use that term lightly because I wasn't throwing up and was still able to function fine. I am hoping that as my second trimester draws near that my energy will return and the spontaneous nausea that I have will completely go away! I guess we will see...only time will tell!

Let me just add a disclaimer so no one goes all crazy on me that this has just been my experience. I urge you to do your own research, and I would love to know if you came to similar findings.