He is weaning himself.

Let me start by rewinding all the way back to when Reagan was born and kind of do a synopsis of my breastfeeding journey.

We were blessed to not have any issues.
Reagan latched from the get-go and I had NO pain. At all. Ever.

Fast forward to 4 months.
My milk supply dipped to next to nothing and I thought for sure we were done.
I supplemented off and on for about a week with formula and then my supply went back to normal and had no more issues.

As of a month ago I was still nursing 5-6 times a day.
And if he would wake in the middle of the night, I would nurse him.
Right before Chrismas I decided I was done nursing him at night, but the amount during the day stayed about the same.

About a month ago I started worrying about having to cut him off, because he was nursing so much.
My original goal was to nurse him for a year...and I honestly didn't think I would make it that long.
However, as the time passed, he definitely wasn't showing any interest in stopping.
And I was not interested in nursing him two or three years like some moms.

In the last two weeks though, he has really cut back.
Right now I nurse him morning, noon, and night.
There are even times he doesnt seem interested.
He RARELY wants to be nursed to sleep.

Matt asked me last night before bed if it made me sad.
I had never really thought about it.
I honestly didn't feel that HUGE CONNECTION that woman talk about while nursing.
I am glad that I could, and I enjoyed that quiet time with him, but I never imagined ever being sad that it was over.
And honestly, I'm not really.
We had a good run - and I am guessing it will last for a month or so still.
I feel blessed to have been able to provide nourishment for him for an entire year.
I do feel a little sentimental over it.
That he doesn't NEED me in that regard anymore.

It's kind of funny, because even the few times I do nurse him during the day he doesn't seem all that interested...he just does it.
However every other day or so he will get really fussy and clingy and just want to snuggle and nurse.
So I know he isn't done yet.

I am thankful he is weaning himself off gradually.
I am thankful for the amount of time I was able to nurse him.
I am a little sad that the end of nursing means he is growing up. I really feel like he is turning into a toddler.
But I am looking forward to what that next phase has to hold for us...and all the new experiences in store.

However for these last few weeks I will enjoy a few more moments like this a day.